Random Realisations 2

Life is full of choices. No matter how much we blame other factors or people finally it boils down to us choosing one way out of the many that lay before us. I for one do not regret any of the choices I have made so far because I know they are solely my responsibilities.

Usually from the kind of choices we make we are able to come a conclusion of sorts about

1. our capabilities to decide the correct things
2. our capabilities to do so sensibly and fairly
3. what are the things we ought not to repeat in our future choices

And things like that. But largely we don’t! At least I don’t. I know I am trying to be sensible with most of my choices but then I can’t be all mature always. I really can’t. Because I am all of 20 and I don’t want to become a 28 year old with full perfect understanding of life and people. I want to have my say.

I have chosen to be a certain way and it works for me … mostly yes it does!

I am erratic like a random spark or a floating cloud. . I am happy largely because I can derive so much energy out of this. But what people around me forget is that I don’t exactly get worked up or burst out unless I REALLY cant take the weight of the issue I give up and there is the end of the random spark.. I cry for very very inane things. Ask anyone at office who has seen me cry. It has been for few trivial reasons. That when I burst out…

But when I sob, yeah yeah there are ‘types of crying’ too ….ya so when I sob, I am really hurt. I won’t cry out but you’ll know when you look at me that the dam there is waiting to break out. Hmmm which I guess is ok. Or I don’t know and don’t care.

There are so many things that I need to change about the way I treat myself... I let myself to be eaten up and then I sit and cry about it. Or worse is when I give a lot of myself and the sudden withdrawal or retaliation hurts. Somewhere I am human too.

Signing off

Me

P.S: It is a rant and i dunno how it found its way here.. hmmm