Heaven... They say what you do on the first day of the year, stays...they also say what goes around comes around. But did they ever say that this was to be taken with more than just a pinch of salt? I am sure people have heard about how i felt on the dawn of 01-01-09.. if you dunno - HAPPY! i couldnt have asked for more.. it was god sent... it was a real new year surprise..but it sure was just a dream.. a few hours into heaven and back.. thanks to the one who took me there..

Belief... I am too much of a believer… slightly too scared and superstitious at that… sometimes when you are totally clueless about something anything that is a thumbs up seems to be ‘god sent’. I do agree with that.. but I was too foolish probably or maybe its just that way… this time around god too seems to be clueless..

Patience... is not a virtue god was kind with in my case.. ‘blah blah at the drop of the hat’ is a phrase that I can be a perfect example for.. but I don’t know now why I am so patient and so silent. What am I lurking in the dark, waiting for? What is gonna come my way that is going to change the way things are?

Words… saying is not more than doing. NEVER! It took me a while to learn that… I used to say and probably never mean, but when someone said it all, why did I think they’d mean it?

Pain…the physical one could’ve probably made it easier… but the pain of silence and longing and lonliness isn’t what anyone would want. Far away from this stands the pain of memories.. a gash , a burning scar… pain of fear… pain of not wanting to break down.. pain from being unable to talk… considering that is what I am good at!

Hope... something I dint want at all.. hope destroys or so I feel. There isn’t much that hope is gonna give… but it sneaks in.. from nowhere and makes you hope… dread that word! A few hours in heaven for instance, for someone who is bathed in loneliness gives goddamn hope of things that’d probably never come… when I say this, the voice in my head said ‘ you never know’ THAT is the fucking hope I am talking about.

Tears… of joy.. of sorrow… tears that don’t want to be held back.. tears that are words in silence.. tears of prayers to win you back… of pushing any hatred away from my head… tears of days that I recalled your name within four walls… tears of the pain of being laughed at… tears of wanting to be belonged… tears of mercy… tears for you

Smile... what my heart does at the thought of you… smile what I loved the most in you… smile, what memories of us brings to me…smile , for Dear God and his playful ways… smile every time I see your name anywhere.. smile when I do things the way you like them… smile for when I say something and in silence hear your voice answer to that… smile , when I dream about you… smile…. Is what your acts make me do…

Jasmine, Issey miyaki, Raja, Apple, gym, health, sugar, pickle, bacon, breakfast, 007, tattoo, rabbit, horse, beach, cricket, cnn, E 51, joe, arrogance, America, park, love, madras, reality shows, rain, 26/11, music, chocolate , sms, trisha, 5.75, friend, PS3… and all that a mind can hold..