In all my relationships i have not been a dominating person .. as in i am not smart with wors, i am messy, i am not sure at times and stuff and stuff. The thing is i come across as a no - serious person and so everyone jokes about me on my face and i too smile at them becasue i don't know how to answer backly smartly. I dont! i am not the best but i too have a life, a heart, few feelings and some need for warmth. Well,as far as my mom goes she thinks ( or i think she thinks) that i have loads and loads of friends to whom i am a good friend and who would stand by me always and stuff. The thing is- i don't ! i really am a person who does not have people around her always who like her. In college for example i talk to very few people and sometimes when i see known faces all i say is "hi" and "take care.bye" and THAT is a ' sad life'. yeah i do lead a sad life... i really do! and today i accept it with all humility that people were right when they say i lead a sad, false, fake, lonely, rude, selfish, hypocritic life....I really do....

but how many of them know that everyday when i ride from college to home or from anywhere to anywhere i cry thinking how 'sad' my life is... the thing is, i too had a good time in life where i shone bright and was loved and all shit but now i am just another rat running the race. and those times when i cry i just feel like i want to get hit and just die, like that... cos it pains to take it all in and have no outlet for it... yet again i stand alone in this crowd of million known faces...

i am sad... a loser... well not exactly the best girl... not worth so many things, people dont think that i am capable of so many things and yeah again everything becomes a joke... i am just lost!


I am no longer the person i was and all this joking makes me run far away from everyone because i cant face it anymore neither can i break down and cry....


thanks to all those who stay with me in spite of who i am....
towards the end of everyday as i close my eyes i am still the lonely loser going nowhere....


anjana
Posted by Anjana Dhanavanthan at Tuesday, October 31, 2006

9 comments:

  1. Naveen George Thomas4:08 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. Naveen George Thomas4:08 PM

    u stupid child......all of us have only about 3 friends who stay with us no matter what....if u have 1, its a gift....if u reach 3-4 its a miracle....never confuse acquaintances with casual friends.....oh, and btw, you'll always have me, myself and my friendship....i work miracles u see :P....love you jaana....

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  3. Divya2:19 PM

    anjana girl,
    not that i've associated or hung out with you a lot, but if its of any consolation to u, i think you're a great person and i mean it...and bout not having real friend, well share your woes with me..there are times when for an entire day i dont get a single call or msg! so dont worry..you're not alone :)
    oh and just for the record..i find your blog terribly interesting :)

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  4. Anjana Dhanavanthan9:29 PM

    @divya
    man that meant a lot :)

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  5. Wetfingers4:35 AM

    i remember someone telling me somethin about serious talk!

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  6. Anonymous4:57 PM

    hey Aj!! u like ppl callin ya dat dontcha? well , i dunno if u remember me.. really dont.. but apart 4rm da three -four ppl who always be ur best frnd.. there's me.. always invisible.. might not think so much abt yer, still there this well-wisher of urs(among millions) , who'll neva 4get ya in lyf.. UR AWESOME , UR SWEET, UR WARM, UR NOT NOT NOT A LOSER get tht tht straight!! btb , guess im pretty late 2 comment on dis peice 'o blog.. still , UR 1 helluva person(know dat ppl tll the same words 2 u).. n I MEAN t!

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  7. Anjana Dhanavanthan8:55 PM

    hey anon... who be you?

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  8. Anonymous10:52 PM

    hey me space!! srry neva had tym ta visit da blogsite maan!! been helluva busy... u got a mobile uh? i find u amusing.. i guess inside dat big head there are elephant -lyk NEURONS!! newayz.. i meant dat ur damn KEWLLLL u can call me on 9884850253..
    regards ,
    anon..

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  9. Karthik Ravi2:30 PM

    If I had to give an award for this particular post.. The title would carry this " The best self-depriving description".

    Never knew that someone can d-grade their own life so much,untill I read this post.. Which turned out to be an emotional outburst..

    Way to go..

    ReplyDelete

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