'..and i told him that i'd want to be invited for his wedding.' Saying this my sister half smiled to herself before looking away without noticing few beads of tears that rolled down my cheeks. It was nine something last night when my sister(cousin) , my mom and i were on our way in an auto to my uncle's place. These words kept ringing in my ear all of last night. It made me shudder.
You see, I don talk about things that do not pertain to me or my world. In this case it is relationships and how, seriously, people struggle very little to keep it alive. I belong to a society( in terms of my social circle) where break-ups and stuff are by and large accepted. I dont have a problem with these kind of relationships that dont STAY cos there is very little or no commitment in it and that is fine because both agree to just 'have fun'. But what i am not fine with is relationships that are built of commitment and crash for trivial reasons. I see that my own experiences have made me highly anti-social. I am a victim of break up as well, but i would call my case something that resulted of a decision that was made in a spur of a moment. As a result of this i run miles away when it comes to talking about relationships.
In the past few months i have seen a lot of people breaking up and talking about moving on. I DONT SEE A POINT FOR THIS BLOG TO BE WRITTEN BUT... I'd say it is not as easy as it is. lines like ' life is all about moving on' , 'lets remain friends' DO NOT work! if you try to make these lines work then you must be highly insensitive according to me. It is a bitter feeling to sit in front of the one you 'loved' and talk about academics and movies without a thought darting across your mind about how beautiful she looks.I am trying not to be rude or anything, but how can you end a relationship after say 5 or six years? how is it possible for you to say things like ' i think it is better off this way' which way? Why is it that girls ( me included) fail to see what the other one will be going through? how was it that i decided that i was doing good to my guy when i said 'its better to stay away from your life, instead of being there and not truly being yours'?
I might never be able to get solid answers from people around me for these questions. I'd rather ask myself for the answers. I dont like the feeling that i go through when i hear about relationships not surviving. atleast in my sister's case i seemed to take things upon myself god knows for what reason. I feel horribly helpless, because those few moments my hands are tied by some invisible ropes that prevent me from doing something about it all.
It is hard to love someone for an entire lifetime , be it a year or ten, bid adieu promising to meet and help each other at various cross roads of life, turn, walk away with a thought in your head that makes you feel lonelier than ever and still try to move on with life all by yourself.
The point is you do! atleast I am moving far far ahead in life all by myself but i am not able to stop those few piercing moments when i feel that life is full , like 99% full and that one lacking percent can be fulfilled only by him.
Hopelessly in love i'd say , but would never show, because it wouldn't help me get anywhere.
I don't know the reason behind this blog, probably one of the worstly oragnized ones ever, but i am bugged, completely put off - by people, by feelings,by emotions,by tears, by sentiments, by so many things... I am completely put off by the fact that i am alive.
signing off
me
P.S: this post is a rambling, so if doesnt make sense dont think too hard maybe it really doesnt!
You see, I don talk about things that do not pertain to me or my world. In this case it is relationships and how, seriously, people struggle very little to keep it alive. I belong to a society( in terms of my social circle) where break-ups and stuff are by and large accepted. I dont have a problem with these kind of relationships that dont STAY cos there is very little or no commitment in it and that is fine because both agree to just 'have fun'. But what i am not fine with is relationships that are built of commitment and crash for trivial reasons. I see that my own experiences have made me highly anti-social. I am a victim of break up as well, but i would call my case something that resulted of a decision that was made in a spur of a moment. As a result of this i run miles away when it comes to talking about relationships.
In the past few months i have seen a lot of people breaking up and talking about moving on. I DONT SEE A POINT FOR THIS BLOG TO BE WRITTEN BUT... I'd say it is not as easy as it is. lines like ' life is all about moving on' , 'lets remain friends' DO NOT work! if you try to make these lines work then you must be highly insensitive according to me. It is a bitter feeling to sit in front of the one you 'loved' and talk about academics and movies without a thought darting across your mind about how beautiful she looks.I am trying not to be rude or anything, but how can you end a relationship after say 5 or six years? how is it possible for you to say things like ' i think it is better off this way' which way? Why is it that girls ( me included) fail to see what the other one will be going through? how was it that i decided that i was doing good to my guy when i said 'its better to stay away from your life, instead of being there and not truly being yours'?
I might never be able to get solid answers from people around me for these questions. I'd rather ask myself for the answers. I dont like the feeling that i go through when i hear about relationships not surviving. atleast in my sister's case i seemed to take things upon myself god knows for what reason. I feel horribly helpless, because those few moments my hands are tied by some invisible ropes that prevent me from doing something about it all.
It is hard to love someone for an entire lifetime , be it a year or ten, bid adieu promising to meet and help each other at various cross roads of life, turn, walk away with a thought in your head that makes you feel lonelier than ever and still try to move on with life all by yourself.
The point is you do! atleast I am moving far far ahead in life all by myself but i am not able to stop those few piercing moments when i feel that life is full , like 99% full and that one lacking percent can be fulfilled only by him.
Hopelessly in love i'd say , but would never show, because it wouldn't help me get anywhere.
I don't know the reason behind this blog, probably one of the worstly oragnized ones ever, but i am bugged, completely put off - by people, by feelings,by emotions,by tears, by sentiments, by so many things... I am completely put off by the fact that i am alive.
signing off
me
P.S: this post is a rambling, so if doesnt make sense dont think too hard maybe it really doesnt!
gawsh. you sound like rajshri productions ka padam :)
ReplyDeleteDude, relationships r extremely complicated things. sometimes u dnw wat ur saying and why the hell ur even saying them. after u look bak u go, "woah. i said THAT?" Relationships change u into a completely different person (thats how i feel anyway) u look at thngs in a different way and after its all over, u either land bak on earth or u dont. and when u dont, ur still up there, dreaming abt why it ended and all that. And when ur bak on ur feet, uve learned a valuble lesson.
ReplyDeleteIt's all part of life.
true machan but i need to land down or stop dreaming. neither of it is happening!!
ReplyDeleteRelationships...quite a big word aint t?!!it takes tht much big sense n commitment 2 keep em goin dear Aj! n yea.. i can easily understand those feelin u hav.. not xactly , but in ma own way n by ma own experiences..
ReplyDelete