I wrote this a long time back and held it back for some reason... but now its out here ... so well.. read on... and no its not about me ...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was about 3 in the morning and he had just stepped in. His house was the only warm thing after that pressingly long meeting that seemed to have lasted for hours. He flung his bag carelessly and walked up to the fridge and found an almost empty bottle of beer somewhere deep within. the day had been rude to him and now he didn't care much about things around.

He was used to the darkness around the house and so he walked straight to switch on his monitor. he tried to ease his mind out , switching on the player he stripped to each line lost in a world of his own. "I'm feeling so lonely bay-beh" , Elvis was crooning softly in the background. mocking the song, he danced around pointlessly, laughing to himself and then .. 'beep beep'.... He froze on his tracks and cursed under his breath. he didn't want it to be another ' you've got a mail ' crap for AOL or something. It wasn't either.

"shilpa has just logged in" the pop up box read and there was no mistaking that face. he sat , numb yet awake. she was there and just a click away. he didn't know if 3 in the morning was a right time to say a hi after 3 years. twiddling his fingers over the mouse he gathered all his might, swigged his beer and typed H I *enter*. she might not even reply he thought to himself and to strengthen this thought he went ahead to log off when the box popped up again.

'Hey! :)' it read. even after these many days his heart skipped a beat. "her smileys haven't left her still" he smiled to himself. knowing that he was sounding stupid he typed..

"sleeping?"
' No! lol.. hmmm just online'
"aah ok.. hmmm ... "
'So how you?'
"going great.. dead busy working and stuff. you?"
'same here :)'

Nothing about her had changed and he knew that. it was as though time had traveled backwards. he felt the same way as he did the last time they exchanged warm notes. "get a grip on yourself" he told himself but his fingers were already typing with a unmannered excitement.
" so whats up... how is life?"
'life is decent. dont have much time apart from office'
"aaah.. caught up on any books lately?"

he knew he was touching the soft spot there. books had brought them closer and he for one had let his to settle in the dust ever since..

' Hmmm no... u know no time plus.. dunno just didnt..'
"hmm i know .. its not the same anymore "

hitting enter on that one he literally whacked himself. now he knew he was trying to prod things back. and she would just log off.. he hated his levels of self control. but then it was her...

' ya... hmmm lol.. i cant just read them and not talk about them to you know like someone'

"*someone* is that what you call me now?" he smiled to himself.

every sore bit of his body seemed to have vanished and presley seemed to have taken his cue out.... the 3 'o' clock's night seemed to be intoxicating his brain ...

a few hmmm!'s and so what else!'s later he knew they were hovering around the same point zero again."should i log off?" even though his brain ran that command a million times between 3 to 7 in the morning he just didnt.

Finally ...
'ok i guess i will go now.. didnt check on the time..lol'

"do you have to" was what he would have typed.. but he stuck to his senses

"alright.. it was nice catching up after so long... :)"
' the smiley doesnt suit you, you know :)'
"it never did... hmmm"

bidding a dragging good bye to the conversation they both left their desks... having traveled back through all those fights, dinners, tears, mails, msgs, chats, bike rides, kisses, angers... they were still on the same boat.. halfway through no where....

just out of curiosity ... is it better to talk to someone you have broken up with as 'good friends'? how many of those lols are out of pain and not real smiles? how many of those hmmms were meant to be ' miss you's or 'why us's ..


Signing off
Me