The Story so far...

The Snake

2010-07-26T15:23:00.000+05:30

the room was abuzz with light hearted mutter and fun... music filled the air... and people knew not ow time passed by. Then, She slid in... like a snake that enters an arena She swayed her way amidst the crowd.. sniffing and pinning her targets as She slithered... the heads turned, the jaws dropped... She was the forbidden fruit herself... clothed scantily She revealed, with signs drawn like singes, that She knew was bait... She knew eyes followed her, and the more they followed the more She swayed... the following eyes were caught unaware, by their loved ones, and in shame they turned away.. She swayed on until.. until She found him.. her feast that night.... slowly She spread her scent, and he faltered a step.. She laughed at his plight ... his lady , unaware laughed nearby... as She pulled him like a mouse to the trap.. and snap!!!! Her head rolled on the floor..

He snapped out of the spell and looked lost... his lady love, tears in her eyes and The sword in her hands stood aghast... 'I may not look' said she... 'but i know when to strike'.

Hey Bitch , This One's to you! stay away from our men!!

Heard this.. like it =)

2009-10-02T21:59:00.001+05:30

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I canI just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

Blank Brain

2009-09-23T10:56:00.002+05:30

sometimes there is so much happening in ur life that you blank out inside ur head... You will be sitting with ten people but still are lost..there will be nothing but blankness inside and a vague song running inside your head.... everyone is talking and you still cant make the sounds reach your head... At times like that go sit at the beach... seeing the vast body of water endless from side to side you will drown in its beauty and then,there is no blankness...

The Mirror has two faces

2009-09-18T12:44:00.002+05:30

70 years old it was... A new rosewood frame with roses and ferns running around it... It sat prettily on her dressing table... It watched her curl, wipe her rouge off, dress, undress, smile, rehearse "I love you's" with many different names.... It sat day in and out, night after night watching her grow.. then one day.. It decided to change.. Yes, mirrors were there to do what you did... left? left! Smile? Smile! "Oh,how boring!!" It thought. "Let the night roll by and I will change something! I am sure she will be happy to see something new! poor her!"

What would happen , if you woke up and you saw a new you, you didnt know?!!

Leave Dhoni Alone!!!

2009-06-16T23:44:00.000+05:30

I am terribly angry with what people are doing to one of the best captains that Indian Cricket Team has ever seen, Mahendra Singh Dhoni from Jharkhand!

Alright I understand that it is THE T20 WORLD CUP and that we are the DEFENDING CHAMPIONS and all that! But, don't get mental about an exit out of it! I was talking about why people are being cheap, yes cheap, about the loss and most of them said it is valid. What Nonsense! This just goes to prove that Indians are not just emotional but also stupid at times! I am a hard core Indian too and a bigger Cricket fan at that! This hype about removing Dhoni is totally idiotic!

Let us look at some of the recent captains and their Wins ( W) and Losses (L) and see where our man MSD stands.. <>

*Sachin Tendulkar has captained 73 matches of which we won 23 and lost 43 with one tied match and 6 with no results

*Sourav Ganguly, was one of the best captains who captained 146 matches and won 76 and lost 65 , with 9 ties and 5 NR matches.

*Rahul Dravid captained 79 matches, winning 42 and losing 33 with 4 NR matches.

Then comes MS Dhoni who has so far captained almost 51 matches out of which we have won 31 and lost 16 with NR for 4 matches.

So are you saying that the best captains are just people more than 60% success rate? Then get dravid back as captain no. The point is it is not about being a good batsmen or wicketkeeper alone but also being able to skillfully make every match and every run and every ball work for India. Dhoni sure has done that!

Dhoni is one of the most complicated captains we have seen. He is a mastermind and he is as good as any of the best captains you and I have ever seen! Losing 2 matches isn't a big thing, when you look at the way he has worked with the entire team otherwise. This is more like a bad timing for our team cos like Gary Kirsten ( our teams coach ) said we probably are tired with back to back games of different countries and formats of cricket!

Yes I agree that we did not work on the short ball deliveries which were the sole problem against WI and England, but hello RELAX!!!

Hmmm... Give Dhoni time and chance cos he has never let us down as badly as now!! Get angry no issues! But don't ask him to step down as the captain or make him apologize again. Makes my heart bleed!

Type A or Type B

2009-06-12T12:35:00.003+05:30

So what kinda person are you? Type A or Type B ? Type A or B of what you ask me? of the kinda person you are when challenged with something . Technology does that to me. ok, not just technology but anything or anyone can do that to me. I am type B. When there is something for which there is a 'no-way-out' conclusion or something then i cant just let it be. 'Adhu epidi nadakaama irukum' is my first anti-thought :P and i try anything and everything to get it working or happening. Obviously, by now u know that people who dont feel thing 'gung-ho' way about something are Type A.

Folks at work say that i am the types who onces decides on doing something wont decide otherwise! how true! i have this itch to DO that impossible thing. probably i should be a local brand ambassador for Adidas :P well anyway, i think i am me cos of this big itch to prove it to an excel sheet, a person or a task that i CAN get the better of it !! Joy it gives me! ooh!

Well.... impossible is nothing after all as long as you know what it is you are dealing with!

More for laters!
Anjana

shaan ne bola Love-o-logy

2009-06-06T01:36:00.004+05:30

Well he did sing that , didn't he ...

love-o-logy mein first baaki sab mein fail,
maine bas seekha hai yaaron karna dil se dil ka mel!
Loveology, L O V E O logy !!

He can sing that for sure but me? Not so sure !! Oh, if loveology were a subject *shudder* i would be sitting in that extra class after the special class which comes after the surprise test! like really! If love were a subject i would flunk school, get my parents to plead my heads to take that subject off the syllabus or just be a drop - out! OK , not so far stretched but , uh uh uh! I am a sucker at math and at Loveology!

Oh, plus if anyone ever wanted to ask me what I thought of Loveology and whether there were lessons i could teach... then here it goes...

Lesson No.1 : Hindi Movie scripst cant make perfect love stories. cos you don't have Sooraj bajartiya and his brigade of writers making it look and sound perfect and definitely not in school during PT classes!

Lesson No.2 : If you had to call and remind your high school sweetheart to wish you on the day he asked you out ( read was made to sound that way) then you aren't going places. Not with him saying 'dad's around... later later!' bwaaaahaaa!! Oops Sorry dude!

Lesson No.3 : Never Ever date someone who cant even close to save your name on his phone! he aint got the guts anyway!

Lesson No.4 : No point waiting (n+1) years for a guy to say 'uhh...know what lets just be friends'.. tch tch tch!!

Lesson No.5 : DO NOT try justifying an 'ex-comes-into-current scene-cos-we-were-high' crap!! Really just shut the fuck up or own up and bear it!

Lesson No.6 : If mobiles were for coochicooing, leave it at that! NEVER EVER proclaim ur love or break up over those bloody ten digits!

Lesson No.7 : Post that ten digit disaster, being good can soften things but not always mend them... and don't call it luck...

Lesson No.8 : Fuck Orkut, Facebook, Sms and all that!! Please stick to 'boy meets girl, they go for coffee'

Lesson No.9 : Sometimes the most perfect of things have the tiniest of screw ups waiting right when you aren't looking! watch out!

Lesson No.10 : Mom knows!! Anyway, Any day!

Lesson No.11 : When you are in grave doubt, leave! Once a doubt, always a doubt.. no matter how long you have known the other!

Lesson No.12 : Once bitten , twice shy, thrice pray do try! cos if you are thinking 'omg, i am gonna fuck up again' you never even would get a chance to know..

Lesson No.13 : Somethings click and somethings JUST don't! So learn to balance and not push too hard!

Lesson No.14 : Serious things come AND go by, they needn't always stay. Eg : Halley's comet? :P

Lesson No.15 : You wouldn't know unless you try... somethings need multiple exposures :P

Lesson No.16 : When you feel 16 again, no matter when or where , know that love is lurking around!

Shit happens , but man invented Toilet Paper... wipe it and move on!

P.S : That was a lot!!

Anjana !!

teddy bear teddy bear turn around

2009-06-04T11:15:00.003+05:30

lol... and then it goes, teddy bear teddy bear touch the ground and all that :) what is this latest obsession with soft toys? dont ask... in my 22 years of existence i was more acquainted to about 40 GI joe figurines and just ONE barbie and ONE big brown teddy bear! nothing else... But now suddenly i am having stuffed toys jumping from all around me! lol.. first smruthi gives me 'pichki' and 'puchki' for birthday... now puchki being a round mouse who is shapeless and goes 'puchik' cos he is made of beans.... then there is pichki who is a fisssshhh(fish= pich.. he he) who is blue and yellow!! he he ...

so when i was going gaa gaa and goo goo i was surprised with the world's cutest teddy... awwwwww... so i am back to being 2 and enjoying having them all around my bed and admiring them! awwwwww!!! :)

sloooouuuuuu =)

kids so smart...

2009-06-02T11:12:00.002+05:30

I am Tooooootaaallly in love with this kid that called up on my show yesterday... he was 8 and was quick with the answer to my question. That wasn't what caught my attention.. what did was his attitude... for an 8 year old he was adorable!!! so i finished my 'talkie' and got the fader up and he was going 'wheeeheeee i won the passes' and i was laughing .. jokingly i asked him would he meet me when he came to our studios to collect the passes he said 'of course i will, but you should be there' lol... what spontaneity and i refused to hang up so i kept saying 'buhbye' and so did he... this would have gone on for a minute after which he said ' ok, thank you i am going to keep the phone, bye!'

I am in luuuuurrrve with him! kids these days i tell you ..... oh my god!!! :) lou!!!

2009-05-29T12:16:00.002+05:30

haven't written in long.. actually i havent felt like writing in a long time .. and it is strange...i might just do a 'save now' of this and like just forget it! hmmm dont ask me why... I think it is time to reinvent the wheel.. which is seeming like a task by itself! uggghh!!!!! each day i read blogs.. my friends', colleagues'.... but i am not getting the inspiration to write.. not just yet!

Yesterday i heard what Kamal Hassan said during the inauguration of the Screen writing workshop and i am ashamed of myself.. I could be writing and improving my writing or atleast be working on moving ahead in life, but i am doing neither. I want to! thats the irony... I guess such is life..

Its strange when i know i want to write or share something but i dont want. A catch 22? well yeah whatever!

Need that spark of inspiration .. from somewhere..just somehow... so i need to be prepared! hmmmm... are you listening?

The woody way to love making!

2009-04-13T15:35:00.005+05:30

Hold your thoughts! Before ur imagination runs 'wild'.. It just was an interesting title i felt :P What i am talking about here is about a movie... I am kicking myself cos i should have written about it MUCH before! like, when i saw it! not when i saw my colleague's blog on it!well, like some say better late than never!

Vicky Christina Barcelona in one word is Magic! Magic of Spain, Magic of music, Magic of seduction, Magic of lust, Magic of One man - Woody Allen! Okay kill me but i didnt know that it was a Woody Allen Movie but all i knew was that i was hooked onto it hook line and sinker! what a movie... Sometimes u know magic when you see it and this was it!

A simple summer time romance... Well, this might be another reason why i love the movie so much! Its about summer and love... the combination is as good as strawberry and cream!! lol!

Well ANOTHER thing - this story could be about u and ur best friend ..

imagine this! - You and your best friend ... mirror images of each other... but just one thread of difference ... Vicky and Christina.. two girls in the happy years of their lives... alike in all tastes but Love... Vicky the more conventional of the two is engaged and 'practically in love' while Christina is the wistful dreamy lover! * funnily so, as i am writing i am reading about it in imdb and the word they use to describe the friends is the same - conventional*

So the two, take a trip to barcelona to enjoy the summer.. as young Connoisseurs of art they visit a local art exhibiton with Vicky's aunt who in her prime is someone who is brimming with local stories.. Though the evening seems normal you cant but notice a man in red who lurks around in the corner*once my photography sir taught me that red is used in a regular frame to create mystery and add an element of suspense*

One thing leads to another and christina falls for the man in red who had a red streak of history of having almost murdered his wife. A few hours later, did she know that he would actually walk up to her and Vicky and invite them BOTH to bed with him after some wine in another city , apparently a perfect get away!

So what happens? Does Christina fall so deep for this man and go ahead? What happens to Vicky? And what if His ex-wife lands up spewing words in spanish? * mind u , the lanugage is SUCH a beauty that i was charmed !Oh what fluency, what power!*

What happens that made this movie an oscar sure? Go watch! cos this could be a ride you would love! sometimes beauty is wrapped in simplicity... thats what Vicky Christina Barcelona is! Magic.Beauty.Simplicity. Woody :D

- Anjana

PS - try this!

2009-04-12T10:38:00.002+05:30

Considering i havent written in long, u guys might think i forgot my blog, or worse i forgot writing altogether. Neither! Just havent had anything inspiring enough to make me write.. a phase of silence or what ever. but there is this book i read and it has just reaffirmed my belief that a book can move u to tears when compared to films. I agree they have their own magic.I am someone who vouches by that, but sometimes nothing can equal the beauty of words so neatly strung together, weaving in and out with u. A book lets u imagine, live the characters and watch ur own movie inside ur head.... The book i am talking about is 'The Palace Of Illusions'. Sometimes a suggestion can do u good! do read this book ...

Strange that it was that amidst the Battle of Kurukshetra i paused it all and went to make dinner or that while walking back home at night i looked at two bare-chested men in lungis and wondered which one of the pandavas could have looked like this or ifi could find traces of Paanchali inside each girl i know..

Hmmm... give me a book anyday!

I am back :)

2009-03-17T00:39:00.002+05:30

there's gotta be a limit. I know the one mentioned here isnt the blog reading types.. i dont think i would care otherwise as well.. but there really has to be some 'thing' left... i mean yes be busy and all that jazz... but i dunno, prolly just be a bit more nicer.. dont make me feel as though i am talking to the evil twin of someone i know just a few months back. hmmmph!

2009-03-13T00:44:00.003+05:30

S x T
O x Y
B x N
S X N
H x C
F X F
G x G

Moral of the story: Opposites attract!

2009-03-12T00:42:00.002+05:30

Aegan.Diwali.007.
Choco chip cake.VA.mamma.
HOC.Thai.Office.
gaa ga gaa.
Tea.20 20.Navy cut.

Hope.Strength.Love

:)

fine then...

2009-03-03T12:12:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer: I m not responsible for what my principal has said in this! i am purely loosely quoting her.

a pure vent this is. A few friends of mine think its unnecessary to talk about my personal life and all that. But this is something i wanted to talk about. The other day i was talking to my Principal, she was talking to me and my friend about how girls from our college shine and all that (no i am not gloating)then she moved the conversation to us getting married soon. My Friend and I were like 'uh huh! okay!! ' cos we would be the last to get married (right now at least). Well.. so my Principal's claim is that We are way to complicated ( in a positive note ) and according to her we challenge men. Alright then! I dunno about my friend but i found that funny! Hello, what am i calling him for a panja- ladaana or for kusthi? I dunno what challenges these pre- challenged souls i tell you!!

So a day after this incident , i was talking to a friend of mine and he was wondering why i am still single! actually , i dunno whether if i am surprised myself. I havent bothered in a while about it and that seems to be the right way to be. He ( my friend that is ) thinks me being independent and tomboyish is the problem. So???? I can afford to wait for someone who can deal with me the way i am!

Hmmm... as for me , i am letting people do the thinking :) if u know inside story then no problem ... but if u vaguely know me not .. then keep on thinking.. aiyo actually i dont care! really!

Anjana

Shootout At Gaddafi!!!

2009-03-03T11:43:00.003+05:30

What the Hell!!! I am sorry but i am supremely angry! ' we promise that there will no problems for any sports person in this country!!!' Having said that Pakistan should atleast maintain security.... Vaas, Mendis, Sangakara and 5 more! SHOT! at one go!!! what is this holi???? Whom are they kidding at?

I am so angry with Pakistan's incapability to ensure security of a team visiting them! I am glad that India refused to play at Pak cos i would have lost it if it had happened to any Indian player!

Yes, Pakistan has been in the middle of all this wrong action for a while, but hello!!!! What kind of security is this????!!! Who wil want to go back to pakistan! I really wanna know!

Ask me, STOP TOURING PAKISTAN! let them travel and play. Boycott them!

ANGER!!!!!!!!

This isnt abt cricket, this is about responsibility! really! its not whether its Sri Lanka, India or Aussies OR even Pak! Its about integrity of Cricket!

Tch Tch! bad very bad!!Complete Disappointment! Right now i cant just dislike Pakistan any worse!

25th Feb 09 12:04 am

2009-02-25T00:04:00.004+05:30

well, not so 'past bed time' for me..
so, there isnt much happening in life to be talked about. Life is slightly seeming psychedelic right now , a multicolor one at that! I have been battling with a headache for the past two weeks and i managed to 'aagh' about it today *applause*...

I NEED to set few things right and i am assuming it'd start with my 'fitness' drive tomoro morning. Which means i am to be in bed by now,which i am not! waiting for a ping actually. Last night being Shivrathri, without my own knowledge i spent most of it being awake - sleeping at 2 to wake up at 4 to msg and go back to sleep at 5 30 or something..

A word to some is a novel to others. Sigh! I am to evolve much more before i can even think of the 'W' of a writer..

head hurts! like crazy! half of it is thanks to my mind running thoughts criss-cross like the Indian rail route probably!

Need of the hour : sleep, tranquilizer and clarity with a Capital 'C'!

Anjana

Oscars, ARR and much much more..

2009-02-24T12:51:00.004+05:30

I dont remember a time when i have pro-actively woken up mid-sleep at 6 30 in the morning to do anything let alone watch Tv... but this monday morning i did and so did many like me.. the sole reason - Oscars.. or rightly putting it 'The Academy Awards'.

I dont even have memories of watching The Filmfare with so much of awe and expectations. If either of it happened this time for the Oscars then the only reason was A.R.Rahman. Just that one man had the entire nation of cricket frenzy people hooked onto Star Movies since dawn, to see the glorious moment of an Indian on The Stage!

And no one was sure deprived of the masala that was to follow. There was so much the Oscars that I think that we can take a leaf, a branch or an entire tree from them!

What I Loved :
* Hugh Jackman - The man might have been a super presenter and all that but to see Wolverine break into a dance in a tux and sing as though he was born for it got me drooling for him even more :)
* The State of Art design - Gone are the days when an Awards night had one stage. The 81st Academy changed all those equations. Right from a simple yet chic basic stage to moving LCDs and a live set for the Art categories, The awards had it all! No wonder these guys look ten years ahead of our time!
* The Jokes - really now, it wasnt the SRK- Saif kinda humor. It was Humor that was smart and very very 'aah' types ! Nice scripting who ever did it!
*Performances - Not Indian awards like but Musical like... god! what brilliance again! from beginning with a song on the movies, to a musical with none other that Beyonce Knowles to of course 'Oh....Sayaaaaaa!!' mannnnnnn! :)
*AR Rahman - no words to talk about him :) none whatsoever! The man is Humble and it is shown! simply so!! What elegance, what an Aura that surrounds him AND what a scintillating performance :) AND what a Finish - 'yella pugazhum Iraivanuke!' made every tamilian proud!

The biggest GASP was:

* Freida Pinto giving away an award!!!!
* Jennifer Aniston on stage with Brangelina in the front row !!!
* Jennifer Aniston with John Mayer - awww :)
* Ben Kingsley - Dont ask me why :)
* Daniel Craig stumbling through him nomination presentation!
* Speilberg gave away the award for the Best Motion Picture, alright , but not to Slumdog please!!! :)

Well, Here's to Rahman - Jai Ho Indeed!!! :)

Anjana

Fortune Cookie someone?

2009-02-22T22:19:00.002+05:30

I see funny fortune notes each day on my Orkut ... and sometimes it makes sense to what happened that day... so i have decided to put it on my blog almost everyday or whenever it makes sense... here is starts :P

feb 22nd: Learn something today - Yup,I actually learnt not to grumble and complain but make the best out that situation! :D

2009-02-08T23:27:00.002+05:30

another night passes by
in the darkness, her tears sneak past
past the mighty walls and strong words...
the heart wins over the mind yet again..
Good by Dr.Jekyll , its time for Ms.Hyde.

2009-02-08T22:57:00.003+05:30

Many a times in life, we ask our loved ones 'do you really love me?' , 'do i make you and keep you happy?' ... we ask and are answered to.. rest of the time we don't question. about anything at all.. right? right!

Many a times in life, we know what awaits us but skirt it as far as possible... we dread hearing things.. not because they would hurt, but because they could break who we are... shatter our worlds and leave us in the middle of nowhere...

Many a times in life, in anger we spew words that are coated with poison... the minute our tongue lashes them out we ourselves regret having said it.. you dont even have to say 'you suck' or mock their lives.... sometimes.. the fact that someone could just talk themselves out of having you in their life can leave you feeling like a tissue paper in an Indian toilet... can be done without!

Some things in life , at any point in time, arent pleasant to be heard.. It takes a fraction of a second for someone to make you feel that all this while you've never really existed let alone mattered to them...

But I thank you...cos once again I learn - what goes around, comes around!

2009-02-07T23:25:00.004+05:30

Heaven... They say what you do on the first day of the year, stays...they also say what goes around comes around. But did they ever say that this was to be taken with more than just a pinch of salt? I am sure people have heard about how i felt on the dawn of 01-01-09.. if you dunno - HAPPY! i couldnt have asked for more.. it was god sent... it was a real new year surprise..but it sure was just a dream.. a few hours into heaven and back.. thanks to the one who took me there..

Belief... I am too much of a believer… slightly too scared and superstitious at that… sometimes when you are totally clueless about something anything that is a thumbs up seems to be ‘god sent’. I do agree with that.. but I was too foolish probably or maybe its just that way… this time around god too seems to be clueless..

Patience... is not a virtue god was kind with in my case.. ‘blah blah at the drop of the hat’ is a phrase that I can be a perfect example for.. but I don’t know now why I am so patient and so silent. What am I lurking in the dark, waiting for? What is gonna come my way that is going to change the way things are?

Words… saying is not more than doing. NEVER! It took me a while to learn that… I used to say and probably never mean, but when someone said it all, why did I think they’d mean it?

Pain…the physical one could’ve probably made it easier… but the pain of silence and longing and lonliness isn’t what anyone would want. Far away from this stands the pain of memories.. a gash , a burning scar… pain of fear… pain of not wanting to break down.. pain from being unable to talk… considering that is what I am good at!

Hope... something I dint want at all.. hope destroys or so I feel. There isn’t much that hope is gonna give… but it sneaks in.. from nowhere and makes you hope… dread that word! A few hours in heaven for instance, for someone who is bathed in loneliness gives goddamn hope of things that’d probably never come… when I say this, the voice in my head said ‘ you never know’ THAT is the fucking hope I am talking about.

Tears… of joy.. of sorrow… tears that don’t want to be held back.. tears that are words in silence.. tears of prayers to win you back… of pushing any hatred away from my head… tears of days that I recalled your name within four walls… tears of the pain of being laughed at… tears of wanting to be belonged… tears of mercy… tears for you

Smile... what my heart does at the thought of you… smile what I loved the most in you… smile, what memories of us brings to me…smile , for Dear God and his playful ways… smile every time I see your name anywhere.. smile when I do things the way you like them… smile for when I say something and in silence hear your voice answer to that… smile , when I dream about you… smile…. Is what your acts make me do…

Jasmine, Issey miyaki, Raja, Apple, gym, health, sugar, pickle, bacon, breakfast, 007, tattoo, rabbit, horse, beach, cricket, cnn, E 51, joe, arrogance, America, park, love, madras, reality shows, rain, 26/11, music, chocolate , sms, trisha, 5.75, friend, PS3… and all that a mind can hold..

A mistake of me Life

2009-02-05T23:49:00.002+05:30

I dunno where it exactly started.. but i should've known that it wasnt meant for me... Siggh... all the planning and precaution and reading up proved to be of no help.. pity! Now people would call me weak or whatever... but hello! I couldnt just bear the pain! stupid! stupid stupid! i could hear myself shouting inside my head... "hello you couldn't pull it through 24 hours???" saad!!

What am i talking about? My smart ass GM diet plan! I read up about it totally and get all the veggies and fruits required and gear myself and my mom up for the the seven days to come... and begins Day 1... my mom was skeptical about it and said probably i should first do a trial run ( considering my every day levels of food intake) I on the other hand refuse and say "yes! I am starting it off today and I WILL survive!" With pear it started and i was happy... then i cut watermelons for my office and added an orange and an apple to the list... well it seemed fine till i reached my desk and pronounced that i am on a diet!! EVERYONE sighed cos they doubted me sticking to it..I stuck to it well actually.. i was sitting in the pantry where all the food was there and was happily munching on my watermelons! all was cool even post that.. until the minute i sensed it... a sharp shooting pain in my head.... Aggggghhhh! instantly i shot a msg to my confidantes and the reply? - "hmmm... headache's normal.eat well"

Thats when I thought to myself that I dont wanna do something that leaves me paining! no no! like yeah i wanna lose weight or just plainly 'detoxify' but not at the cost of a Friggin headache!!

That was also when i realized that a life without the yummy spices is no life at all! man .... Biryani, chinese food, masala poli.... aaaaaaaaaaah :)

Sorry but i am a HARD CORE FOODIE! and not a day shall pass by without rejoicing the sense that makes it all matter - Taste!!

:)

Anjana

valentines day and all that comes with it..

2009-01-29T00:48:00.002+05:30

is a sickening feeling if you ask me... well let me clarify... the day as such means something to me but the event is not so nice... and its about 6 years now that i dont enjoy or even look forward to this day! ugh! I am sorry, i got nothing against you love lorn guys but slightly i am not gonna be romancing around the town let alone wishing anyone a happy valentine ( except small!)

See this concept reminds me of DTPH (yup, that is dil to pagal hai) where madhuri goes valentine's shopping for herself ( and probably induced the idea of self - celebration in our indian brains) and then there is SRK whom she sees in the chandhni raat and blah... BLAH! yeah thats what it is... hmmm ok no vengeance here or anything but konjam leave space for people like me to breathe! i am already dreading the day man! cos u might just end up turning me sappy and ughhhhh no no no!

plus somehow i dunno if i want to spend valentine's just for the heck of it..otherwise seems way too impossible anyway so its just me that day!

dont ask me why, but no valentine's day chocolates, flowers or hearts PUHLEEEZ!

If i did find something meaningful and NOTE meaningful then probably this valentine's day i'd just thank god that i am not wretching on pink hearts... but that in like 17 days is sooooo not gonna happen so have fun!!!

Anjana

2009-01-29T00:33:00.003+05:30

This feels weird! So there is some random problem in my desk’s comp .. It doesn’t allow me to open blogger.com and to borrow a system depresses me L well.. So I am resorting to a basic measure – of typing it all out on word L UGH!!! But well… So over the past few days there’s been loads that I wanted to blog about and let the part begin :P

Have you ever!!

This series as I wish to call it is stuff that’s in close relevance to STUPIDITY :D And as the name suggests I am asking you all if you have ever done this shit like this :D

* Have you ever jumped off the 30th stair of the entrance of a building just cos some guy said ‘Ha! You cant do that!!!’ ( oh btw this was at age 5) – I have!
* Have you ever , while at the station to send off ur uncle, jumped into his arms with just your milk bottle and traveled from Nagpur to Chennai ? – I have!
* Have you ever taken a refill, mashed touch me not leaves with it and mixed talc and water and ‘cooked’ as a kid? – I have!
* Have you ever beaten up a guy while at school with a split and bleeding forehead- I have!
* Have you broken your own pencil box , walked up to the principal and spilt crocodile tears just to get a guy punished? – I have!
* Have you gotten whacked by your teacher for not completing notes when the entire class has done otherwise :D – I have!
* Have you cried all night trying to convince your mom that you dont like your new school, randomly hoping she’d put you in the same school as your love! – I have!!
* Have you summa dropped friends who live FAR FAR away cos the rides were fun, EVERYDAY!! – I have!
* Have you ever gotten the number of waiters the regular hang out just cos you thought they were cute :D – WE have!!
* Have you submitted 4 assignments instead of just one? And then asked your prof if you could do few more :D – We have again!
* Have you done stupid shit in the middle of the night just for thrills? – I have!
* Have you stolen cups from barista or the ‘reserved’ boards from Dhaba cos your friends said ‘ooh I want!’ – I have!
* Have you streaked your face purple and stepped into a Xerox shop at 8 in the morning? – I have!!
* Have you fought with someone standing in the middle of the road , while it was POURING cats and dogs!- I have!
* Have you had pen pals? Like really? – I have!
* Have you watched American pie until 6 in the morning and then gone to sleep? :D – I have!!
* Have you randomly picked stuff for friends? :) - yup, I have!
* Have you had 15 phones in a matter of 5 years probably? – I have!
* Have you always wanted something and ensured you had it in 24 hours!!! NOW NOW NOW ??? – I sure have!
* Have you fallen in love every other time that you have told yourself you wouldn’t? – I have ….

I am sure there’s more I want to add to this list but I’d rather not :D

Anjana

stupidity!

2009-01-25T12:52:00.003+05:30

There isn't a happier word and a better excuse than that... Really! atleast in my case i can prove it all the bloody time :) no that doesnt mean that I am stupid all the time but there are things that just make me seem so! .... I know you wont ask "like what?" but I will tel cos Me thinks its funny!

Note: like I said there are only certain areas that I tend to prove my stupidity in! so here it goes..

When u are meant to stay away from certain people and you land up

* going to places u did together and then get moppy about something there and narrate the incident and see that you are bursting out with 'buwaahhhaaa' kinda emotions and you end up messaging them - STUPIDITY!
* oh! actually - MESSAGIN!!! PLAIN STUPIDITY!
* When you are growing all your defenses and crap and when they just happen to call you for no great reason at all, you just let down all your guard and run towards them ( abhi style in dostana!)- Sigh ... STUPIDITY!
* You are meant to be living your own life and showing that you are happy and then you just plan to take a detour through their place just for kicks.. - kicks? STUPIDITY FROM THE ASS!
* You end up doing that... fine! But when you see their vehicle or even their cigarette butt on the road you RUN!! 0-60 in 3 secs for a scooty pep would happen thanks to this! - STUPIDITY INSANITY STUPINSANITY!
* You scoot and stop at the main road and think 'Che maybe i should have turned and looked at the balcony!' BRRRR!!!
* Its ok when you get nostalgic about places ... but messaging them at 2 in the morning about it and ending with a HMMMM! and having them reply to that sayin - 'oh have you been' as though you were talking about your return from katmandu is just PLAIN STUPIDITY IN FONT 72!!!

Hmmm.... well this is just a sample ... pura picture toh mein khudh bhool rahi hoon :D

Anjana

Walking the Talk with a Lighter!!

2009-01-23T23:41:00.003+05:30

I am back and blogging!

See Lighter, i am giving you super credits da! So I was at IIT today and post a maddening activity , vidhya and i launched ourselves on two chairs with a can of red bull in our hands and were letting the steam out... In walked Lighter and jalaofied my dimaag ki batti! but well here's what i thought about when i was there!

* I love going back to IIT no matter what!
* Saarang is no longer scary :P
* The food this year was better!
* And so were the boys
* Maybe i didnt notice them the last time i was there!
* Vidya and i had a roll discussing them :D
* and making names for them!
* but we see that they already had names!
* like Ducky, Lighter, Abacus, mosquito and so on...
* oh,not to forget.... Rubber band :D
* These guys are insane
* all IITians i mean
* They are like a thani species
* and they are fun!
* I miss being in college
* cos it is just so much carefree fun!
* Innuendos when well delivered makes guys look smarter!
* or maybe its their charm
* Poor Sonu Nigam ... or Sonu Niigaam ..
* cos i chose to sit and yap over attending his concert!
* Yaaawwwwnn....
* OH MY GOD.... some girls!!!
* plain UGH!!
* i think Saarang should be like an all guys thing cos the girls are like non-mottais in thirupathi
* When you are an Iyer/ gar People just know!
* and thats cool :)
* aaannnndd like vidhya says ... an IITian is a good package :P
* a.k.a Full Meals!!

So here's to all those baais ( not a bhai or a bai mind u!) who are a perfect mix of charm,humor a.k.a wit, intellect and all the rest of it!! :D

Anjana

12:16 AM Jan 23rd 2009

2009-01-23T00:15:00.002+05:30

Yes as you can see its a bit past midnight and as per my new habit or whatever this is late for me to be online.. what was i doing? it started with looking into saarang's blog randomly ... and then specifically :D doing that i landed up going to their blog.. which then reminded me i wanted to read Akx's blog ... so i did that i and i was thinking to myself, what i fool i have been by keeping away the thing that meant the most to me - my blog.. so here i am , doing what i am good at!!

Dunno if u guys missed me , but i sure did :D

In Thale style - I'm Back ( with yuvan's BGM in the BCG :P)

-Anjana

2009-01-06T23:36:00.003+05:30

So i decided not to blog this year ... and this one is a pure exception, and it goes out to you :D

You beat me at my own game ,
You got me eating my words back...

Said i will that i shall hope not
but you got me doing just that!

Flying Friend i shall call you ,
and fly to your land soon i will :D

Here's to someone who literally teaches things to me! :P Thanks for adding to my pile of super surprises this new year's :D and cheers to the sudden dark cloud that brought about the silver lining... ha ha ha ha :D

Aaaaaaaaannnd

PS - here's to knowing that you will remember my face on the packs of cheese and italian food :D ... dunno why exactly i am the daft one here, but its fine :)

:D

hmmm...

2008-12-07T22:53:00.002+05:30

So i was reading naveen's latest post and i agree with what he says.. I am back after a week to blog and i still havent been able to string my thoughts together... but this post did get me writing...

Like it says here.. "lets just be friends" is a line that can shred you and your soul into so many pieces that it is not quite possible to piece back yourself and still find the nice picture... and talking about this, how about a line that says ' lets just forget that this happened' or ' oh! i shouldnt have said it in the first place at all!' .. Do people ( yes me included) know what it puts the person on the receiving end through? It is a pathetic line! really! how can someone just conveniently delete of fragments of one's memory? ( reminds of eternal sunshine of a spotless mind) hmmm but really... if at all that were possible then we could be making ourselves forget so many things - little things that were bitter but have made us become who were ( the valuable lesson wale episodes)or the times when we have fucked up really bad or times when we hurt someone we didnt mean to.. the list is endless..

Point is .. things cant be forgotten .. well some incidents are worth forgetting( and i know i sound mega contradictory)but some happen cos they are not meant to be forgotten... life isnt that convenient YET! its a two sided thing - yes, lets forget and no, I cant forget! the point is love cant be forgotten... which is why the taste of it is so nice and refreshing and warm.. any kinda love cant be forgotten cos its a beauty - to be in love, to be able to love, to be loved.. dont ever demean it by making statements like ' lets just forget it happened'.. you dunno how it leaves one feeling... its like going through the entire road and saying hey the trip wasnt worth it or something like that... i guess i am making sense and if i am not, its not like i care too much to do so :)

2008-12-02T01:45:00.000+05:30

I cant type.. i am not able to write a blog! its all getting clogged up in my head but i am not able to type them out! and at the rate at which i am going i am gonna be a volcano.... ugh! so much to say.. i wish i could just make a movie out of it or like tell it... god!!! give me back my writing a.k.a typing powerrr!!!!!

25th November 01:35 a.m.

2008-11-25T01:34:00.004+05:30

Its about 2 in the morning and sleep waits for me an hour later.. hmmm... after a while i have actually opened up a page for a new post.. it just wasnt happening, the flow, to write a post..

The fan in my room is on slow.. and it reminds me of a story in my 10th standard english book, about children playing during summer..i think it is 'Games at Twlight' dunno why neither am i child nor is it summer... well, the feel is such... plus it reminds me of a story like Malgudi Days.. you know its like a feel , when you touch a cloth, the texture. time feels like that right now!

The air around me smells of Eucalyptus oil or the Dragon Balm! thats cos i have been having an annoying headache for the past few days and i would attribute it to - lack of sleep, watching way too many movies on a 2.5" ipod, thinking and just general bakwas! But now none of that is gonna take my headache away...so the balm...

Oh of the movies that i saw on that teeny little screen, Little Miss Sunshine, Harold & Kumar are a few.. then i also saw few on my system.. Atonement was one of them.. lovely movie according to me ...

I am just very verbally blank... not verbally but just am running out of words to type out here... hmmm... its a phase...not a writer's block, but a WALL! i am not able to focus on a post... and thats alright, maybe my head is doing an F5 in the meanwhile... So to aid so called better writing i want to revert back to my black blog layout cos its comfortable.

Yup, i sound nocturnal cos i like black and call it comfortable. But thats the truth ( and i know thats not how you start a statement) ... I like the dark corners of life.. you see its not eye-blinding bright there... there is a bit of light and a lot of comfort.. and i associate black with silence ( maybe so did Sanjay Leela Bhansali :P) but anyway.. so putting all my so called theories into use i am going back to black!

Hmmm.. apart from which there isnt much i am thinking about.. of course there is the "why are you like this, Anjana?" in my head.. but that is not for blogger.com EVER! cos its like the book in atonement (actually, the book The Atonement itself)

In the movie, the protagonist ( i wanna call her that) ammends for her mistakes with her Last Novel and in that she faces the truth.. accepts it... and well in the end moves on.. I guess i will turn out to be like her... I wanna write a book or two and i know i can hold the interest of the reader for a while ( my blog is an example - good or bad!) but then i want to write it about a girl like me.. and to write that i wanna live till I am 60+ cos only then would i be able to write ( atleast about my wonder years)..hmmm where all i get into thinking thanks to a movie... Sigh the power of Media yet again nailed hard!

Signing Off
A Very Random Me

2008-11-13T00:16:00.000+05:30

Did i hope too soon,

did i wish too far,

oh what did i ask the falling star!

Not dolls, not toys,

not even dark horses or prince charmings,

oh what did i ask the falling star!

A happy tune,a cheerful smile,

and a little bit of love to last a while,

oh what did i ask the falling star!

A hope, a dream,

a world of mine,

someone to make my fortune smile,

oh what did i ask the falling star!

Did i hope too soon,

did i wish too far,

that i couldn see this horrid scar !

Signs do tell

2008-11-12T01:09:00.002+05:30

I am back from sleep to write this out... i dont feel sleepy or even if i do my thoughts wont let me sleep.. I've been telling Smruthi for 2 days now that something is not right and she said i was getting tensed... to her it is paranoia of a hyper person ( thats me) but to me its something that opens up a wound so old yet so fresh...

Its not unlike final destination, where the guy/girl can foresee things... I still remember vividly, as though it were happening in front of me right now.. that afternoon at school, i think it was the 12th standard.. and after school we had these special tests... the benches in my class were arranged like an exam hall.. and my friend's was in the corridor, right next to the door.. she was there already but her head was bent down.. i thought she was praying and so i let her be.. but after a minute me and another friend realized that she was kinda crying.. and i kinda knew why.. so i ask her what it is, if it is THAT particular reason that i thought it was.. but she refused to say... a week or so later it all blew up on my face.. and the reason? the one that i thought it was... she just never told...

This has happened a few times after that incident as well.. and every time this 'I sense something wrong' comes to my head, i dread, i fear and almost die of worry.. because i know that there is something amiss and people are tryin to hold it back for reasons known to themselves. But i can sense it dammit! i can sense loss and problem brewing... i might react very wierdly, i might cry, i might get mad but i know how to handle cos i always have known...

Pray tell me what it is.. i might be stupid or too immature but i can deal with it.. just dont let those signs come again... they scare me... they make me feel lonely... they... drive me mad. Pray tell me...

Blog Bog

2008-11-11T23:33:00.006+05:30

I am on a roll tonight... lol thats cos I am writing down a third blog and raat abhi jawaan hai! ha ha!! so a friend read my blog and said ' hey aint blogging like for creative pieces, why is it so much about you?' fair enough... but if u did read closely i say 'I am anything and nothing at all.. i love to write not the way you do but what i experience, for me that is truth... I am not scared to say what i feel.'

Thats cos to me, my life is quite a navratan kurma in itself :P there is everything... jubilation, loss, learning ... you name it and i am sure i wrote it! But this did make me wanna wiki and see what blogs actually were... and this is what i came across...

Blog

A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

And i also read that there is a personal blog type, under which my blog sits happily... and the explanation to that reads like this...

Personal Blogs: The personal blog, an ongoing diary or commentary by an individual, is the traditional, most common blog. Personal bloggers usually take pride in their blog posts, even if their blog is never read by anyone but them. Blogs often become more than a way to just communicate; they become a way to reflect on life or works of art. Blogging can have a sentimental quality. Few personal blogs rise to fame and the mainstream, but some personal blogs quickly garner an extensive following. A type of personal blog is referred to as "microblogging," which is extremely detailed blogging as it seeks to capture a moment in time. Sites, such as Twitter, allow bloggers to share thoughts and feelings instantaneously with friends and family and is much faster than e-mailing or writing. This form of social media lends to an online generation already too busy to keep in touch.^[2]

So after feeling happy of reading all of this i thought i will pull out the posts which i feel were my personal best and stuff that people have stopped to take a look at as well ... hmmmm... here's to a happy reading ... though most of it is dark...

Well this also saves time.... hmmm so read on...

Signing off
Me

P.S: do these posts remind u of someone?

Not Like The Other Girls

2008-11-11T23:30:00.001+05:30

No maybe I am like every third girl that you may have come across.. but I heard this song by The Rasmus today and I kinda thought it was me... just these lines..even if it isnt me now, I am soon getting there...

She's fading away
Away from this world
Drifting like a feather
She's not like the other girls
She lives in the clouds
She talks to the birds
Hopeless little one
She's not like the other girls I know

No more shame, she has felt too much pain, in her life
In her mind she's repeating the words
All the love you put out will return to you

Hmmm...

Me

2008-11-11T23:09:00.002+05:30

You know mahabharata? Like apart from Ramanand Sagar and DD? Or like apart from the Gitopadesh wala pic on many walls? Neither do i! But i know Amitabh ji's song ( Ji, my foot!) it goes like this ..

" Abhimanyu, Chakravyuh mein phas gaya hai tu..."

This is all that i know of that song but then i learnt that Our man Abhimanyu knew the way into the great Battle but not out of it! Very smart! I dunno about the 'battle' bit but i feel trapped.

Trapped in emotions, morals, trust, beliefs, love,duty and more than anything else... in pain...hmmm

Right now...

2008-11-11T22:50:00.002+05:30

At this moment while I am sitting to add something to my blog, a few ideas rush past my mind and even though they are somewhat 'there', I want to type THIS post out.. Not like this is a significant one but yeah well I am trying to place a reality check all over again.. Like I guess it is an every week thing that i need to do.. hmmm..

Something that i want to share here is that I was awake the other night way until morning and I was just online, when a conversation with a friend of mine made me take a look back at my posts and do a mental tally of the creative and non-creative ones. Slowly, I begun reading all of my posts ( running through them actually) and i realized that not much has changed in me... Well yes, I am two years older and am working and all that, but the crux is the same. I am still talking about food, love, music, men and sad people... and I was surprised and happy at the same time. cos in the past years I have come a VERY long way and I used to think "Anjana , you've changed so much!tch,tch!" But hell No!! I am still where i started and yeah thats kinda cool! it feels like I have just added on to my shopping list... like just put things along with the existing ones and see what happens :P

Well, change is inevitable and I have seen that in me and my answer to that is a very amused ' Niceee!'....hmmm... uh okay! 'train' of thought ended :P he he

Signing Off
Me

Here I go again!

2008-11-08T02:22:00.002+05:30

Well, its quite strange but this is the third time (to my knowledge) that i have opened up a new post to write a blog without A particular thought in mind. Thats cos i am not generally thinking about one thing that i wanna put down on my blog or put up on my blog... but well.. just generally. Life is fine, i cant complain at this point in time.

I am happy and working well and am realizing responsibilities ..lol... apart from which its all okay.. like there isnt an SOS beeping anywhere close to me... maybe yeah there is one such beep, but that aint an SOS .Its what i'd or anyone would call a reality check in life and i am kinda glad to say that my reality is in check! what is not is my financial situation :P and the food that i eat! I am supposed to be losing weight a.k.a toning, but i am chosing a wierd way out- by not eating and no thats not on purpose.. its just.. well going that way and man do i feel hungry at 2 in the morning!!

Blame not anyone cos its solely my laziness and blah blah... hmmm.. I am assuming that things if continued at this pace will bring solace to my life ( not monetarily and physically :P)

Well...... here's to more work, more smiles, more money and some amount of work out :)

Signing Off
Me

32th

2008-11-05T00:44:00.002+05:30

What is friggin 32th? thats too many a sweet tooth!

Now a 'sweet tooth' is a fondness for food that is sweet.

Sweet Tooth may also refer to:

Sweet Tooth (Twisted Metal), a character in the Twisted Metal video game series ( this one is for Guha and my summer gang)

Courtesy: Wikipedia.org

Now that i have defined what a sweet tooth is, i can peacefully go into writing what i thought. Now a sweet tooth as you just read is someone who has a liking for sweet stuff. But what about someone who has a liking for more than just that? I call that kinda person a 'sweet 32th'. It sounds complete too .. he he ... anyway.. I am talking about food now cos in the past one year ( thanks to Mirchi, I guess) I have developed a strong respect for anything edible. Allow me once again, to explain..

I have always been someone who has , to mildly put it, consumed a lot .. It still is a surprise to people around me as to how i can eat so much and still stay like the post-meal tooth pick. My pat reply to that is 'high metabolic rate'. Well anyway, I am a very fine eater and very picky one at that. i need certain things in place and i wont eat something that is even lesserish than 100% perfect food. hmmm.. it might be arrogant but thats me!

Earlier, i used to gorge on chocolates and loads of homemade stuff. but later, it was college ka khana and now office's stuff...

As Vidya recognizes me "She is a pondy bazar of food" or as she puts my eating talent " she is passionate about her food" . . Lol!

There are many in my office who have similar ideas towards food. for example there is

Darbuka Shiva who is a Kesari freak! ( he is my guru in eating , cos to date i haven't had to guts to mix kesari and ice cream or dosa!!)
Vidya who is a chat freak! she loves to get EVERYONE up and about to go eat, but she herself hardly does.

these are like few examples. I have friends who are Water freaks. yes! water to them is like world or something. easily gulping bottles of water and keeping the housekeeping folks on their toes these guys are just like ugh at times but they make sense.

I belong to the random category of eaters. ooh,since we are at this let us analyze or create the kinda eaters :) !

A. the gentle eater/ spoonies 1.0 :

these are people who eat less and talk less and act less. for them a dosa is enough to burp through lunch. They are spoonies 1.0 because 'just a spoon off your plate please' is their mantra to get through lunch.

B. The mild eaters/ sharies :

These guys eat with someone. their order is usually along the lines of 'haan i will split it with you ok. so you order what you like', thus the sharies tag to them. I dont appreciate such folks cos unless its your 3rd round of meal you should not share food !!!

C. the MY FOOD/ the pasies( thats tamil btw) :
These people, are like me. Put food in front of us anytime, any bloody time and we'd eat it. That doesnt mean its any food! its gotta be in the flow.. like starters ku dosai or roti, then sambar and then curd rice and then ( if someone's dabba permits) desserts! lol ... we are quite choosy about what we eat- simply the tastiest!

There's more to the 'food blog' that i want to add but thats again for laters!

Signing Off
Me

2008-11-05T00:17:00.000+05:30

I dunno, i just want to blog
I managed to catch the early viral and hence spent a happy time just getting rid of it
I am beginning to accept that Daniel Craig is a good Bond!
And also that i suck at PS games.... Sigh!
But i love my new hairstyle
and the fact that when i wear a sari i look thinner
But that doesnt mean i can always wear one, can i?
I love the quarters!
cos we rock ( and that sounds so gay!)
ok we 4 are fun no matter what when and where!
and thats Sus, akx, me and Smruthi btw
I think early morning muhurtams are dead annoying
cos u have puffed eyes!
even if u are not the bride it matters!
and i love the Fountain Plaza chappal!
cos they are 100 bucks and are in all colors!
and in my size!!!lol
I love kamal
cos i think he is sexy!
But well i do agree Rajni is mass as well!
I think Cricket needs to be slapped
like the heroine in cinemas who act funny and then someone slaps them to make them see sense! *Tish*
Did i already say here that i love my hair cut?
well i do :)
I like myself a lot
and i am being shown that i have a good sized up ego :P
apart from which i feel like a chamathu kid
Ugh to that cos i am not a kid!
Yellow is my favourite color no matter what
I am superstitious about many things
I will blog about that thaniya :D
Finally, I am going to seriously cut down on some weight
I am sure i will :D
I have arrived to a conclusion that an arranged marriage is not ok at all!
and Hats off to Hamilton and Vishy!!
and finally .. Goodbye Jumbo, Indian Cricket will miss one of its pillars sorely!!

Signing off
Me

and at times like that...

2008-10-29T12:18:00.002+05:30

Sure there have been times in life when we have stood up like a wall and embraced all that came our way... we have been strong, stronger than we expected ourselves to be.. but what about the times when we weren't like that? What about times when we were not strong, couldnt hold the wind let alone stand up.. In times like those we imagined things around us.. how?

Just close your eyes and remember times when you were in a tight spot.. you thought of people whom you could lean on...when you closed your eyes you could see faces, warm and inviting.. that'd comfort you, give u a small ray of hope and then you could carry on... but what about times when you cant imagine faces? what about times when you couldn think of one name to reach out to? what about a time when your tears were welcomed by the silent pillow when the 'comforter' stood an arm's length away and just watched or maybe even ignored you. . and at times like that, I sat and cried asked God, why me? where are the faces that were supposed to stand beside me? hmmm....

Signing Off
Me

uh and so i wanted to write

2008-10-28T12:50:00.003+05:30

Ok at this point there is seriously not much "running" in my head, but i want to blog.. so here I am and god save you!

I am piss bored
This diwali was by far the quietest one ever
and I didnt burst crackers
cos i think they are way too noisy
i havent eaten food for three days
no thats not NO FOOD AT ALL!
its just that i had like one day's meal spread over 3 days
dunno why
loss of appetite!
I think i am gonna become a movie critic
yeah, i know anyone can be a critic
but i want to become a professional one
and right now i promise myself that before nov 30th i'll have my passport done!
yeah i havent had one in quite a while :)
since i have lost appetite, nothin much excites me
Oh ... gadgets still do
and i still wonder h0w an i-phone works
Uh, yes i know how it WORKS works, but not how someone uses it like normally
its a scary phone
anyway
i think the apple gadgets rock cos they never fail to amuse me
plus phones ..
on that note .. i dunno why guys are so complex
sorry ess thats a constant thought
hmmm...
ok alright i wish i had a guy at times cos i wanna do fun things with someone specific
but i dunno if i am still a relationship person
ok i am at home for a puja and am taking care of my dogs
so i fell asleep , woke up and typed this out
and there isnt more that i'd wanna add ..
so off i go..

Signing Off
Me

Fuzzies In The Head!

2008-10-15T00:24:00.002+05:30

These fuzzies come out of nowhere and then stay for a while blinding you and leaving you dazed.. and i haven't written about them in ages! now explaining them is gonna make my blog look like a longer komanam a.k.a langot! lol so here goes nothing all over again!

I cant understand guys! not cos they are complicated , but cos they are so complex
I realize that when you got it, give it!
No one is worth your blood, sweat and tears
I can write well
I miss many friends
Most of msgs these days are from aircel
forget romance i'm not even THIS close to looking at a likable guy
yes, thats a problem!
and no I am not desperate
I love phones
and I will keep changing them
and I have 14 so far!
Apparently, I am lucky...
the point is .. to whom?
I am stubborn
Cos I have a friggin point you ass!
I am fat!
Period!
and no I am too lazy to work out!
Having said that I love pigging out on chocolates!
I still hate flowers
I love my show
but I really wish it didnt screw my so called social life :P
but seriously, whom am i kidding!
ok I dunno why I said that!
I blog only at night!
cos morons bug me otherwise and never let me write
and few more dont even understand what a instinctive post is and what i make- up daala hua write up is!
I still miss him!
and the worst is in spite of knowing he might just be a complete sucker
Hoo! Haa! Hoo! doesnt help!
Men!!
I still dunno why I am single
No you jerk I am not desperate
Just that I too want company
Fuggoff! why am I telling you this?
I love my Job
In spite of mega talented people spoiling things
I can be dead angry
and at that time I break phones!
ask my sony ericsson!
some people just cant sing alaipayuthey!! he he
I love anna ( tamil anna - not the name Anna!)
I tend to argue shit loads
hmmm!
I love fighting with dino! its Fun!
I love my baby sis!
and she is the only female child i'd consider EVER in my life worthing having as my kid!
otherwise I still think I want boys for children!
that reminds me of smruthi's curse!
that i will have FIVE friggin girls!
right!!!
i love that girl!
shit its been so long!
kannu patruthu!
:(
I know someone who is a COMPLETE opposite to what I am!
and I think he is fun!
Just wondering how someone cant like cricket and chocolates !
I think I am wierd at times cos I love Chennai's traffic!
It rocks!
hey, I love Chennai!
and I want another Tattoo!!
on my neck!
Om Mani Padme Hum
I love the hanuman temple at Nanganallur
which made me think!
I want a guy who loves tradition!
wokay.. this is never ending!
and hey Pacha will be here!
He and I are like scan mental copies!
So when He throws a fit , I can give him the Eye
but I wont let him do that!
Okay, good night!!
Shit, This IS a komanam!!
Oh and please to check this out - www.radioandmusic.com ( within the next 15 days)
cos an article i wrote is there..
:)

Signing Off
Me

October ...

2008-10-02T00:00:00.002+05:30

When the laughter dies out,
when the smiles fade away,
when the darkness touches me...

When all that is,is all that was,
When the tide comes to pass,
When the darkness pulls me in..

When the mask slips away,
When the lip fails to say,
When my heart never does beat...

When the sun rises to shine,
When the birds sing to joy,
When the soul brims to flow...

When I look around the world in me,
When I fail to utter a word,
When the tear threatens to trickle down...

When I know there is no one to hold on to,
When I know that nothing will last,
When I feel blinded and stranded..

When I wanted to feel the warmth,
When I knew that love is there,
When I knew that life's to live...

It was you and now the memories... the heart never forgets.. It wishes to step back to those days when it all was nice... back to those days when we never dreamt of days like these... through this shall we sail across? Come take my hand and look ahead, with me..

Signing Off
Me

September Words: Agape

2008-09-23T01:14:00.003+05:30

I guess I am in love with this word - Agape... it is Greek for a form of love and largely has found place in the Biblical works.

Agapē (ἀγάπη agápē) means "love" in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means"I love you". In Ancient Greek it often refers to a general affection rather than the attraction suggested by "eros"; agape is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard."

(courtesy Wikipedia)

But its just the 'love' in this agape that I am talking about. Love , such an elusive word it is.. I once learnt that loving someone and being in love with someone were two different things. I have loved and continue to love many people to date... and yes I love them for being in my life... but those whom I have been in love with, I love them dearer. I dont know its a strange thing with the way love itself is in my life. its very... mercury like ! Yes, just like that slowing beautiful metal, Love in my life has taken many shapes and forms.. Each an example to remember.

The worst is the kind which is left incomplete. The kind of torn flesh hanging lose from an amputated arm like(sorry that was gross!). But thats the most painful one to live with. You can deal with bad endings, mutual good byes and even rude retorts but to live with the amputated arm to look at and grieve from within.

I dont know what it was that It held, but It seems dearer than anything else and though with all pride and head held high I walked away from It , It still hangs around. Its a very disturbing feeling.. like they say in tamil ' mellavum mudiyaamal, muzhungavum mudiyamal' its nearly that bad... No! I am not love struck but those times still tick by in my heart and STILL, god damn bloody STILL I look back and wait to see if It was gonna surprise me from nowhere...

But It is mercury like... slips out of your fingers faster than the sands of time... so, what now? I dont know whether I hate or love Love cos it never stays long enough to let me decide..

lol before you stain my character with your thoughts, I am just saying that Love is love when it is from A source but with varying forms.. guess after a real long its just me thinking about wanting to go on bike rides and moon lit walks and stupid hangout times with someone to call 'my guy'!! such a girl I am!!! lol :P

God, you listening? :)

Signing Off
Me

September Words: Random

2008-09-22T13:12:00.001+05:30

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we areas my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends

This song by green day is what came to my mind when I thought of the month September.. these lines ring a bell of things I’d just want to sleep through… That’s cos there is a concept that I was once told… that when you are very troubled about something if you sleep it over you will find a solution sorts and I think I really need to sleep through September. With not more than 10 day left for this month to end I am looking back at a month full of OH MY GOD’s!!

Well seriously, I have been wanting to blog about quite a lot of things and all through the times of this month I’d just say “ok not today but surely tomoro!”

I had actually thought of lines that I wanted to start this blog with… very rhyming ones but well, the usual thing of bathroom ideas just get washed away in the drain…

Its one not so happy feeling this month, right from being angry to wanting to cry out about things that I have sorely missed this month has managed to poke and pick at things that I want to put to rest.. There was something that I wanted to say so badly… guess that’s the issue with the mind, it remembers but also forgets. I need a Dictaphone soon!

Of pain, loss, hopes and lots of things that my life wants to set right…. That’s all this September has been to me….

Oh and thanks to Sujatha I got a nice title for my blog… :)

Signing off
Me

27th august 2008 1:18 AM

2008-08-27T01:18:00.002+05:30

I was reading these Paulo Coelho books and somehow couldn’t stop thoughts about you flying across my head… there’s a song running in my head and I know its by someone whom you would rather not be with…. It’s strange, your thought crossing my head after these many days when I had chosen to forget you. I did … I changed the world I lived in. I pushed you out of it.. Maybe its just cos of these books but I am talking this way.

I can’t but recollect the days I spent knowing you. Now to even try to reach half that length with any other human seems to be a betrayal to you. No you are not responsible, isn’t that what you are going to say? That’s alright… your thought floods my mind…I was at the movies last night and I was in the same theatre watching a thriller as the first time I had messaged you. You had said that I should always smile. I did... those days that I spent with you I did. I smiled, I bloomed, and I felt truly happy. But then you who gave it to me took it all away one day…. I was still smiling because I thought I’d understood you... but how much of understanding can one boast of after about everyday of meeting and talking and then realizing that I understood it all wrong. I let it be. I let myself be the one who had been naïve and had tread too far… but no I wasn’t the one to be pointed fingers at. You too showed me a way… until that point where you saw you couldn’t walk with me. You chose to leave me to find my way and retraced your steps back to safety… no yell, no cry from me could ever reach you, cos you had gone that deep into your safety net.

What point was there then to meet you and talk to you, when we both living in different worlds sat together? For me you were there just a wink and smile away , waiting to tell me that it was meant to take time and that now we had gotten there… for you there I was , asking questions, being stubborn and still hanging on to a twig from the past..

I still do have it, that twig from the past, though I show it no sunlight, I water it and nurture it in the back of my heart, hoping some day that you’d rip apart the darkness and let the sunlight flood in. In this faith I walked ends of my world and stayed as far as I could from you… and yes I did meet someone who was not like you, not one least bit… but reminded me of things I did with you, only for you… my heart, then, understood, when I spent endless minutes pondering over you, but not now. Now wasn’t right, because the ‘then’ was spilling all over... It belonged to you… every little thing I did, every smile I smiled, every minute I spent otherwise was all for you… and now that I am at that cross road again, I fear , not falling in love, not forgetting you, but being hit by the same twig in the other eye..

P.S: I feel blank post typing this out... like a just-emptied jar of water….

randoms

2008-08-17T01:08:00.003+05:30

Anjana:

is am smiling a lot these days :) it pisses ppl off but nevertheless
is happy .. its simple... its all from within!
gets bugged with a certain kind of women.. sigh what A$$ licking they do!
wants to quit work! seriously... they just kill the fun!
but at the same time loves where she is ... its what she wanted to do .. so ssshh anjana! breathe in breathe out!!
wants a buddha tattoo but well that thought can really wait!
Needs to work out! fatty!!
shouldnt have checked that profile again.. sigh all the memories
is gonna fight and show ppl that she has a BIG point to make!
Will soon bust a few asses! huaah!
loves anna :)
finds tying rakhi to benny funny but well.. ye!!
misses her child a lot.. and is mentally making notes to set it right!
is scared of lime lite's spa!!
loves her hair!
thinks that independence day fwds SUCK!! sigh
is following the Olympics
must have been mad to see Kuselan twice! mad about wht? keep guessin ;)
cant stand American Pie
is doing anger management with a lot of people and it works!
is meeting her school folks tomoro!! ye!!!
still misses someone! sorely! but wont think of it ... cos its like a long time back!
thinks that N is a loser! wishes she could punch N on the NOSE and stand back and say "LOSER!!"
but well she wont cos N is her dahlin!
thinks the new traffic system in T.Nagar is meant to drive her mad!UGH!!
loves Rumba and cha cha!
wants a holiday!
and an i pod!
is happy :) :)
and knows its simple...
is reminded of a friend who told her not to frown
wishes to tell that friend that thanks to them she has done a lot of that!
has finally learnt to play cards!
is walking on the razor's edge with her boss :P
loves her juuuuniors!
thinks Ria Rocks! lol
and Jaane tu sucks!
says abbaaa !!

cos its time to go :) Oh well! Anjana is hungry :P all over again!

Signing Off
Me

Anjana IYER!

2008-08-10T21:38:00.003+05:30

Note: If you are a co Iyer or Iyengar you'd understand few terminologies easier :P

Well never in the past have I had a situation to talk about me being a Tam Bram! Like yeah I am one, but not the 'abhishtu' types! I am one happy 21st century Iyer and no qualms about that ... except the fact that some things in me are verrrryy iyer... like a cat has claws going tuk tuk tuk when it wants to defend itself!

Likewise I too have shades of Iyer-ness in me... and why am I talking about it? cos I am proud of that! yup I am an Iyer with a tattoo and streaks on hair and have done all the jazz in life, but when i go to a temple i dont miss wearing a pottu nor do i touch my hair cos its supposed to be 'theetu'!! hmmm ... I am not the kinds who walks around behaving like a dumb F **& Iyer but I was brought up by my patti and thatha and they were people of 'that' generation and some values just rubbed off on me!

Like the other day I attended a funeral, uh no i actually went to the cremation ground (girls are not supposed to go but well I did!) ... and while i was about to leave for home i told my mom suddenly ' ma we forgot to leave a bucket of water outside!' ( thats cos when you come back from a funeral you are supposed to wash your feet outside and then get inside the house) .. to this my aunt retorts saying ( in smart english) ' what you saying? who ever follows that! Chill chill, skip things with time!' and for this i just said ' soryr patti brought me up this way!' ... lol now that shocked my mom but she was proud :P

Anyway similarly, the other day during the solar eclipse.. I was at office and my show was bang in the middle of the Grahan... I stopped eating at 2 as told by mom and was sitting around.. Now some ppl at office had ordered food and that came by 6 ( grahan had ended then) so i was like ' oh food!, ok give me a minute i'll go do 'prokshanam'( where you sprinkle few drops of water on your head to signify having taken bath- this is in cases when you cant bathe rightaway) and come'... At this my friend burst out laughing , cos she found it ridiculous to do so! she went on to eat without doing anything... Well i didnt explain it to her cos she wont get it... but for me my rules are rules and much as I may eat stuff with egg and crap... deep down I am very much an Iyer... Anjana Iyer!! Hmmmph!!

Signing Off
Me!! :)

2008-07-31T12:37:00.002+05:30

Ok... Something is wrong with me. It must be the weather cos i dont have pms issues. I am getting bizzare... by the day. hmmm.. Its like either people are genuinely stupid these days or its me going cynical. Yup, I am known for my super erratic mood swings but I am also known to sniff someone going sour with me from miles away. Hmmm off late I am sensing a good friend of mine turn that way and its non confrontational an issue. I cant tell her and neither can i deal with it. Its not something i can ignore. I wish she understood... or maybe as usual i relax a bit :)

Well that also teaches me a lesson. Not too get too deep into anything... Its true and otherwise. You cant be someone who is just skin deep friendly but then not like people value that... I dunno. Truest of friends do exist... but to get there with them in one piece takes a lot out of you :) cos friends are meant to be treated like gems and jewels. lol... no no i am not mocking the thought but just laughing at the irony :) dont we all at times rub and push and pull only these precious gems? :) happens...

And talking about friends i miss a few of them. Well you could say that its easy to start a talk and get back to talking to them, but then its not that way with some. Time eats a few away... like they are there right in front of us but like in another world. thats like seeing the moon, its right there , but so faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away.

Well , lets hope i manage to change a few things around in life as long as things are in my control :)

To sara, madhu and a few more friends whom i skipped stones with a few years back :) love you guys anyway

Signing Off
Me

2008-07-25T19:12:00.004+05:30

I am pissed ... very very pissed. You see I am this person who is VERY particular about my food.. or actually any food for that matter. I dont disrespect it all! but today was the worst of it all..

Well when Anjana talks about food its Holy.. even if it is Fish i respect it! hmmm... why am I fuming over here as though someone switched off my mic mid way a great link? Cos today I was insulted a bit.

So the girl gang of office decides to go have waffles. Now waffles for me is like uhmmm very special.. its close, sentimental ( i refused to eat one for months cos of the same reason) and I hold it dear. The mere sound of the word can have me smiling and sighing. So such is the story. So I am at my favourite place, at my favourite table ( with a different crowd) waiting for my waffles to come. It had been long and i felt as though I was going to meet my child or something! Such was the joy! Now in all this i forget telling you that we went there at 4 pm! thats an hour before my show and thanks to chennai's traffic i need an easy 15 min to get to office. So at 4:40 , i get up and leave , not even tasting let alone seeing my waffles. A happy 2 minutes after i find an auto my friend calls up and says come back its here! sigh but I couldnt so I ask her to pack it and bring it back to office for me and she says she will!

After 20 minutes I get an sms saying that my waffles is at office but with another friend of mine. So I search for her and find her inside the office! "where's my waffle da?", "uh with security sir!" Hello!!!!! with SECURITY SIR? you mean not inside a fridge??? WTF!!

I run out to rescue my waffles only to run to pantry with it as though it were dying to see that it indeed was! the waffle had gone all soggy and the ice cream had melted down :( WTF!!

I ate it but in anger. Not in the way Anjana eats her waffles , with all love and passion for it! hmmmph!! I am not over acting but a minute's common sense from my friend's end could have saved my waffle! Sigh! but what does she know what it means to me and how sacred it is to me!

Henceforth, People, Please respect others' food! please treat it as your own! what if you had to eat soggy and sad waffles? you wouldn't like it na! then dont do this! Least of all to me!!

Signing Off
Me

P.S: In all this i wanted to send an sms to a faraway human wishing to be taken for waffles , properly!!

Heaven Knows..

2008-07-24T23:51:00.002+05:30

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up till
I close my eyes
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know

And though she's far away
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love her
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I know she's mine
So tell me where do I start
Cause it's breaking my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all this time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows
Heaven knows...
Heaven knows...

- Rick Price ( i guess)

I couldnt have put my feelings down any better ... hmm heard this at my salsa class... sigh!

Signing Off
Me

2008-07-21T23:11:00.006+05:30

Well.. read on... this was cos smruthi's display msg is "♫ get married..sit at home and blow up money..now thats life!!" and that was also a msg she sent me today asking me to do that instead of watch movies all the time :D... sigh wish hint is taken.. atleast read through!! :P

me: thats a nice option btw lol
Smruthi: yeah i cant wait
me: oh for u? remember u said that today afternoon
Smruthi: yeah for u..
me: yeah...i like that option
Smruthi: take it
me: with whom?
Smruthi: ur husband..?
me: which iis??
Smruthi: mummy will find
me: uh huh! i dont want them!
Smruthi: why not!
me: cos i want only one guy

Sent at 11:05 PM on Monday

Smruthi: hmmm..marry him then
me: HIMMM?? how? lol
Smruthi: oh u want ideas? umm..u could kidnap him
me: uh huh
Smruthi: orrrr...sedate him..orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....seduce him!!!!!!
me: riggghhht
Smruthi: whaaaat! whats wrong with my ideas?
me: nothing...he is just not made to order!
Smruthi: uh huh
me: hmmm....i am gonna blog this
Smruthi: hmmm..okay
me: lol

Signing Off
Me

Found it!

2008-07-16T00:27:00.007+05:30

Well i had written about this one 'spur of the moment writing' of mine which i had lost... I Found It!!!!! :D i dunno if it means happiness but i am hoping for nicer things :)... here it is ..

-----------
The Lost One :)

There she sat on the blades of green grass-her painting board with colors devoid.

She looked at her pallette full of colors,

But the beauty of the nature around her did she avoid.

Red, blue, green, pink and blue again,

the butterflies fluttered in front of her eyes;

Not one, not two, but many many little butterflies

carrying the world's palette on their waspy wings.

She touched one and pink on her finger did she find,

she ran the finger on her board, but color devoid.

she touched another blue one and ran a mountain on her board,

the finger ran but no color.

Angered, she shooed them all away, rummaging

her colors and palette and board and all.

When she had walked away the board had painted a castle,

dark and black clouded by misty skies.

The painting, now complete, her castle, painted in the air!

20 reasons why :)

2008-07-14T23:12:00.004+05:30

Well you might have read loads of this kind of stuff before.. but each to his own :) i am trying to list those 20 odd things that remind me of my someone...

Here are 20 somethings of "you know you like someone when ..."

Their number is in your recent 20 sms recipient list.
When a friend of yours says or does something they have done earlier (like use a particular word) you smile to yourself.
Certain foods remind you of times spent with them.
You wake up and go to bed with them on mind somewhere.
You try to wear certain combinations just to see if you meet them thanks to that :P
A smiley or two extra in a msg reminds u of the way they sms.
You suddenly stop mid way to remember a familiar kind of fragrance.
Blushing reminds u of them.
Talking about your friends guy or girl you end of thinking about them.
When you meet a random kid and it has their name and you are caught grinning to yourself..
When you know you look really nice and want them to somehow see it.
When you are really upset and the only person with whom u want to share your sorrow no matter how irrelevant, is them
When you want to share with them the smallest of things you do.
When you listen to a song somewhere and are reminded of a conversation with them about it.
When you see every vehicle on the road to see if its theirs by any chance!
When no matter how hurt you feel, you soar for their happiness.
When you see their name on facebook or orkut updates and smile to yourself.
When you wait real long just for a 'hmmm..ok' from them!
When you meet anyone they know and you cant wait to tell them just to start a conversation.
When you do all this knowing they wont care to do much :)

To them....who no matter what are still the one to make you smile deep within :)

Oh! Butterfly...

2008-07-13T23:31:00.003+05:30

No no this is not that beautiful song... but a memory much more than that... Not long ago I got into one of my fits of sudden writing and with no pen or paper or MS Word I ended up typing it out on my mobile... hmmm...only two or just three people read it .... one said it was beautiful and the other felt proud... of me maybe... Shortly after, I transfered the entire lot of messages onto my computer...
and then suddenly one day i was going thru it all and then found an arm of that spur of the moment writing.... reading it made my heart race up and I searched for the rest of it to make the picture meaningful.... though I knew every word of it I still wanted to search for just that msg! but in vain.. I still haven't found all of it.... what is it about?

Its about this girl who is the prettiest of her lot and different as well.. she sits one day on a mound of fresh green grass with her palate in one hand and a brush in the other... she is sitting and looking at everything thats spread wide and far before her eyes... and then they go by.. butterflies... not one not two.. many ... as though the wind had carried them all here... she watched them flutter by... she did not react like someone of her age would.... they danced, spread their colorful wings, sat on her shoulder and asked her to paint... to paint a world full of their colors, a world full of joy... but when she was done painting her castle in the air, it was of all colors devoid..

I wish I find that message... cos that was beautiful... the story and that time... how I wish....

Signing Off
Me

Finding Nemo

2008-07-11T23:11:00.003+05:30

Couldnt think of a better name for this one..

I am bugged, well not cos i am single but cos the demons of being the only single one around drives me mad... sigh, i remember times when i was pukish over valentines ( it was SUCH a sappy concept) and then i had no reason to think twice.. well I am kinda affected with the thing of having cute & interesting & then single guys around ( not always) or available (again, not always) but finding them to be 'waiting to ask her out!' or to say 'Oh i have this girl...'

It is annoying cos its like proving potency ( sigh , sorry i am reaalllly bugged) .. when a guy is made to feel that 'hey dude u aint right there!' he'd just go mad until he fixes it right! right? verbally or otherwise... thats not what i wanted to say but well i just did!

being single is fun , but hello i too wanna sit and have coffee in the rains with someone special, have someone to go out with on weekends , have someone to talk to before hitting bed and on and on and on.... hmmmm...

Its not a depressing thought but the feeling either F*@ks off or turns itself useful!

Here's to finding my Nemo!!

2008-07-04T15:45:00.003+05:30

I came across this post yesterday that was a self note about the kinda men we meet in life. I am not taking off from it but its just that I too thought of someone in my life whom i should warn my daughters about :D

Men aren't the blamed lot for no reason. Something about men that always drives me mad is their silence.. It irks me at times, its as bad as someone running their nails on the blackboard.. they can slip into these silences for which god knows how only they have reasons. It isnt wrong but hello not always! When you turn your back and give a reason somewhere in mid air and just slip into this silent darkness, how is anyone to understand let alone respect you? hmmm... and the rest that follows is better not spoken about at all!

If you can just someday just stop, listen and hold me if i cry, cos dude thats the last i'd give you... Ever!

Signing Off
Me

Snap

2008-07-03T23:44:00.003+05:30

Has it ever struck you how easy it is to cut threads with someone who has been the vein that carries blood to your heart and out? or to wait endlessly for something or someone with no rhyme or reason? Has some dream ever weaved in and out of your nights, chasing you to chase it back? Or have you ever turned your back at something to turn back again and look right through it?

You must have, at least I have... In these waits and walkaways lies a lesson i still fail to learn, but now the pain is lesser... the poison moves with my blood like another drop of it... the numbing minute passes by much faster .. but at times its the same numbing minute and same drop of poison and the same pain that counts every second of my life into the ocean of time...

where is the lesson that i missed learning? where?

Signing Off
Me

The Unanswered..

2008-06-29T00:01:00.004+05:30

How does it feel to have travelled miles away but still turn back to the same point? I am sure that feels like crap , but thats not the point. The point is at times things dont get explained and we just, at that time, chose to let them cool down and move on. But how truly we have moved on remains to be seen when you actually turn not once but many times to just see that point.

Unanswerable questions arise not because someone chose the need to make you feel queezy but because they felt that there is an answer that isnt comin out and that isnt wrong to prod on. I remember asking many people why they question so much without a need, but i got a dose of my own medicine when i sought to find out the answers for a few unanswerable questions.

No one is stupid to question. A question arises with a need, a doubt, a want of clarity of thought. I wish i had a point here... I do but am just not able to arrive at it!

Why do we ask questions again and again... not new ones each time but just the same old ones? Like i said earlier, thats because we know there is a proper answer lurking around the corner of heads and that we just try and bring them out.. What a sad thing to do! When someone asks u a question for the nth time, you a) term it 'stupid' . b) shoo them off. c)say things that can make them feel like vermins begging for a wee bit of mercy or something!

What you do forget is that when u know u cant avoid it , why not just answer it?? Like if someone asked me for the thousandth time ' dont u miss having fun together?' i would think a bit and then speak my heart out! How long can u just make excuses and turn away? Wouldnt there be once in all those thousand times that you'd have wanted to say'Yes!Yes!' from the bottom of ur heart? Do it! Say it! I dunno if it will stop it from happening for the '1000+1th' time but it will save a lot of heartache...

and to people who question a million times still waiting just to hear that 'yes!', hugs! Tables eventually turn!

Signing Off
Me

Please Try Again Later

2008-06-25T23:54:00.001+05:30

This is what most of the people who try to get in touch with me , hear most of the time. Yup, I am selective when it comes to answering a call or maybe even a msg. This doesnt mean I dont want to talk to you. But it means a lot of other things. For example, if u are the types who wont hang up soon I am sorry I wont pick your call during the day.

Plus half the time there is no splendid reason as to why someone calls me. Largely and off late I have noticed that I am playing the role of an Agony Aunt to a particular person and at 21 I am not yet mentally there to do it! Like I can listen, yes! Thats one of my best talents but I am not sure if I can solve your issues, cos they are like mine and when I cant find solution to mine where can I to yours?

Hmmm. I know I sound selfish , but I have just one justification- I dont want to pay half attention or no attention at all when I know I cant be of help. Maybe this is why I am in the state that I am as well. People have told me that earlier as well, that I am selfisjh.I am not seriously! I am just wierdly practical and no I dont twist things to suit my needs, not anymore!

I dont know! Maybe its just pay back types. That I dont seem to be the first person to reach out around and thats why I am not settled in my head either! Well see simple, if I do care about you I will wake up in the middle of nowhere and still run to your help maybe even after 40 missed calls. So, Dont think I forgot! cos I cant :)

Whatever!!

Signing Off
Me

The Grave Digger

2008-06-19T11:45:00.002+05:30

Rain splashed hard on his face
this wasnt something new to him.
Night after night he sent people six feet under
murdered wives, hurt lovers,old couples, happy infants,
he had seen them all.

They all spoke a tale to him
each one of them, as he dug on.
In his mind as he chanted prayers for them
they shared their last wishes with him.

Forty years they had been his closest,
Easter, Christmas or New year
someone always brought him there
to celebrate with all of them.

But tonight was different
the rain seemed to be mourning.
Someone is going to come here
his heart said, feeling heavy.

He dug on, six centimetres, six hundred ,
as he dug, his palms sweating,
he wondered, who'd fill this six feet.
A second later his answer was there,
inside the six feet, with the shovel and eyes filled with shock .

Dreams are what we are made of

2008-06-12T23:36:00.002+05:30

Think about it... what we are all made of is dreams.. little dreams, happy dreams, sad dreams... many like that... But dreams are not what life is made of... I mean we dream in terms of aspirations and that drives life but when we dream otherwise remains... floating on cloud # 9 .

Its like this.. I dream of things that can never happen.. about things that both scare me and make me smile but only with my eyes shut :) Plus there are the other kinds.. just that i wont call them dreams , they are like acts... when someone talks or something happens i play it out or enact it in my mind. Which is usual.. But when u play out consequences in your head?

Its like this... I build a road ahead inside my head about a conversation futuristically( i dunno if thats a word) . like think what would they say and how would i react to that and then build the scene inside my head.. though its exactly the opposite of what happens, its fun and gives me hope to keep going...

Without these dreams i wouldn't or for that matter not one human would have been able to wake up the next day...

and like the song goes... Dream on! Dream on till your dreams come true!

Signing Off
Me

hmmm...

2008-06-11T12:18:00.001+05:30

I love these dialogues... and somewhere I too am doing the same thing.. though there is no sister... lol

Ross: Look I-I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!

Rachel: What?!

Ross: No, I mean, look I don’t know if anything is going to happen with us, again. Ever. But I don’t want to know that it-it never could. So I stopped it and she got mad and broke my projector.

Rachel: Wow. I, I don’t even know what to say. Thank you. (Gently kicks him.)

Ross: You’re welcome. (Gently kicks her back.)

(Chandler starts crying.)

Monica: Oh my God! Are-are you crying?

Chandler: (crying hysterically) I just don’t see why those two can’t work things out!

Signing Off

2008-06-04T23:42:00.002+05:30

Here's to a happy and not so happy month!

This birthday was super special and i am glad i am born
I spent a lot on food :)
just in 24 hours!
I love sleepovers
I am so stressed this entire month that i would have happily taken a few lives
I hate imperfect works
I hate many ppl these days
I hate phones at night... sometimes talking to three ppl can get the best of u!
I am learning to be rude ( more than what i was)
Overdose - A word that i would swear by and swear at!
Hmmm...
I still am patient!
I wish i knew why
I hate seeing silver swifts on the roads
I actually dont hate it!
I just fear that one day i will know all their numbers by heart
or maybe recognize the owners
I wish
I wish a lot of stuff
Job is hitting me
Real Hard!
I will fight!
Not to argue but to get to the top
I love Saris
and that too black ones :)
I love Cricket!
And the IPL!
and the Chennai Superkings!
And Sreesanth!
And for the first time in my life i 'looked' at a cute guy 'looking' at me and it was fun :P
But he walked away
Watching plays by yourself can be fun!
I am falling down at my salsa class :)
not once but ten times!
I am *happy* that people think i can actually model :P
for pictures obviously!
Oh! Even though i wont do a Size Zero, I will reduce by mid July!
Hmmm...
This is a long rant!
But you are still reading it!
Hmmm...
I will wait!
And get slapped in return
but will still wait
Hmmm...
My next tattoo is on its way :)
This is Fun!!

Signing Off

A Heavily confused, irritated and a bit patient - Me!

2008-06-03T12:57:00.002+05:30

Hmmm, I have been writing a lot lately.. and its kinda ore 'heart felt' stuff... Valid na, that is the reason i have a blog. Not cos I want to publicize my life online but because I want to write whatever I feel and well if its online I really don't care. No I really DON'T! If there has been some filtering in what i wrote that's cos well I cared or what ever. I dont think I do any more.. Hmmm quite away from the point I was thinking about what all runs through my mind in a day.

Hmmm actually no, I just want to rant... I hate so many things at this point in time its not funny. But, I am hoping this feeling dies out soon. Like not real soon cos i can deal with a bit more maybe.. lets see. Ok , to add to all the nonsense in life or shall I call it naansense in life CSK lost! and F$%k i was so upset. Well yes, may the best team win and all that. We fought well , and it went down to the last ball. Hmmm masala finals it was and on that note i will miss IPL.... like seriously it was such an addiction that i dont know what can substitute for that now... lol, pn that note hats off to Lalit Modi whose brainchild IPL is :)

Next, why the F%#k am i still around here and caring? Sigh i so hate the fact that whatever happens and how much ever I get up and about the "I shall avoid u " thought I am not able to muster up all the courage to go on with it... Nope it isnt cute or nice or awwww! its plain annoying and i hope to get a grip soon! hmmm

And to you! U can be smart and device ideas to what push me away but nope u cant do this! No way is it on! If u were reading this then GOOD cos i want to hit u hard. So bloody hard that it wont acutally hurt but u will get how i feel.. I wish u never were! and what difference does anything make to u? Try being nice !

I am tired! Big time. Of a lot of things. I am tired of whining, I know i am right now, but i plan to put an end to it. I am tired of so many goddamn things... but well mentioning it more and more will make me whine. Hmmm...

I wish things change soon.. people, luck, life and all the rest of it!

On the brighter side ...... lol i am still laughing!

Signing Off
Me

2008-05-28T17:54:00.004+05:30

"Dont! That doesn't belong to you!" said the voice in the dark.

"But why not. Have I not earned myself this?" her thin voice spoke, as dust rose off the ground.

"Dont be a fool! What you see can't become your's!"

Saying this the voice motioned her to lower her head and in fear she did too. But she tried to steal glances at what she thought was rightfully hers. She knew that it was meant to be hers. But she'd rather not question and she knew why. Why? Because her time would come.

Lying on the dark and bloody floor of what looked like hell she waited with baited breath for her time to come. She knew that the blood that was spilt there was hers and there would be an end to it. The Voice circled her, mocking and teasing her. Making her rise and then drop. Waiting for her to beg, but she wouldnt and she made sure of that. The Voice taunted her, jabbed her, pushed and pulled her, but in vain.

She thought at some point she would give in. It was ofcourse scary. All the darkness,the smell of blood iron and The Voice. She couldnt ignore it even though she knew it'd soon be torn by white light. A light so bright that The Voice would scream its last.

She waits in the dark, for that light and with that light she knows she'll take with her, what is hers and was almost meant to be....

Signing Off

2008-05-27T23:54:00.003+05:30

Off late I have been having a lot of things in mind that i wanted to blog about. Stuff that was out of anger, happiness, joy, madness, randomness, sorrow, loneliness, irritation... etc etc... but it all kept going back to a familiar point .. Not the source , but a point within my head that i wanted to reach and touch and share these feelings with. But that is not possible and that sorrows me... Not greatly though cos i start to question things based on that. I wonder why at times and the next second i jump up and down twice and try and push the thought away.. Was that point meant to be? do we all get such a point in our lives, from where moving on is not the best option, let alone the easiest?

Someone asked me what my recent post on truth was. Well it simply was about me consoling myself to move on from that familiar point within my head and walk ahead. But then , it isnt possible cos there isn't something as warm as that point in my head. Maybe, yes there were few in the past but what the future looked nice with was this point. No this isnt a guy, but just a time when life was warmer and safer. Where i knew that i could think of anyone and smile. Not the types where i'd head back home with tears in my eyes over a stupid song.

This one month has taught me a lot and i am happy to be a good student.. hmmm.. but i just i wish i stupid being moronic at times. Really!! If talking couldn't solve wars then how would putting back a box of scented candles inside your bag do the trick? *sigh*

Signing Off
Me

2008-05-26T18:54:00.002+05:30

Advertising- a phrase that we are so familiar with , that it now sounds like our name. The world of adevertising and the world itself has undergone a tremendous amount of change. Some that we are familiar with and some that just go unnoticed. Why am i talking about advertising after a year of bidding goodbye to all those books on it? Cos the other day i fell a big victim to the magic of advertising.

I was out with my sister yesterday and with the temperatures rising we picked up a couple of bottles of water and went on with the shopping. Then it struck us that we'd have wanted a bottle of 'minute maid' instead. This led us to talking about how some juices are so awesome that you just want to keep drinking them. Suddenly then we jumped to ice creams. Something that was synonymous with Ice creams was choco bars and kwality walls. Like what other ice cream do u recall craving for at the middle of the night :D but then, to my surprise , both of us were craving ooh'ing and aah'ing for a bucket of Mother's Dairy.Mother's dairy??? what is that now? well that might be like a random pop question , but then what brought this on is the ad on Tv, and that too in particular the Litchee flavour :) So the Ad on Tv was soooooooooooooooo uhmmm that we both wanted litchee ice cream and that too the one from Mother's Dairy...

Such is the power of advertising. They make you want 'to want' something... that to such an extent that you forget the real name of the core product.... huh? well maggi, xerox and godrej :) see!! maggi is noodles, but well its maggi in our heads! xerox- a brand of photocopier and godrej - a range of safety keep storages! well thats advertising !!

On the flip side , I just wished they advertised really nice guys and then had us all ooh'ing and aah'ing about him nationally, internationally and well maybe even universally :D Lol! hats off to the lovely art of advertising !!

Signing Off

3 matches of cricket please!

2008-05-26T00:21:00.004+05:30

If in the world there is a nation like ours where there are 3 things that can get throats slit and shirts torn then I'd change my name! India is ruled not by the people but by Cricket, Cinema and Politics. Well, i dunno about politics but cricket and Cinema ( i refuse to call it movies, it sounds so teenage date like!!) are two pulse points of any Indian and off late it has be 'Mano-ranjan ka Baap' IPL that has walked away with the entire cake and lime light and all.

The concept of 8 teams, 72 ICC ranking players, 44 days of non stop cricket and millions of dollars ( mind u not rupees) seemed alien on April 18th when the RCB ricocheted the entire IPL league. But slowly the mania caught on and now it is reaching tear jerking levels! Even people ( read amma and periammas) who don't know what the 'M.S.' of M.S.Dhoni is love to get this between their teeth!

Cricket is a religion and IPL must be like i dunno Christmas or Diwali or Eid for the devotees. 44 days and we still are waiting with bloody fingers ( thanks to all the dada like biting ) to see if CSK will make it to the semis.

Here I would like to highlight that people who follow IPL have been seasoned and filtered in their heads. Poor us!! Imagine liking sreesanth who belongs to KXI but having to cheer for a six that Dhoni of OUR CSK hit on his ball! 'Identity Crisis!!' thats what my friend Maha called it! True.. I didnt know whether i am happy that Jayasuriya and Tendulkar are batting for the same team or that i hate Tendulkar cos he is MI :)

Well, see cricket is simple unlike Cinema where u need to be either a star-son, or a Greek-god, or an action-hero! Here, you just need the 3P's - Passion, Patriotism ( to whichever team) and Pagalpan! :) As long as you are a transfixed soul who will not move your left leg over your right one even when it goes sore , just cos u know that 'combo' will make your team win, you are a true cricket fan! the long -ons and slips will enter your head soon enough from then on :)

This by no means means that Cinema is any lesser or far behind.... just that it deserves an entry of its own :P

As of now... Idhu Chennai, Chennai Super kings!! Ye! Ye! Ye! Ye! :D

Signing Off
Me

love - of all sorts

2008-05-26T00:02:00.002+05:30

This isn't my exact choice of a blog entry right now but the concept has been in my head for a while. Why do i call it love of all sorts?? cos it comes that way! some loves are the kinds where there are no fights, some are the ones where there is no peace.. each one to his own we could categorize and legalize all our endeavours in love.

Largely, I have not learnt much about love. Actually, thats not true. With every broken relationship i did learn something new... but hello! is that the idea? to break a few to learn something? Maybe not. But thats the way it goes i guess.. If people say love is a big teacher and all, yes they are right! Its like your annual exam.. you cant just scrape through it .. you need to pass all the goddamn subjects. Love is like that. Its not just about having butterflies in your stomach and a fluttering heart every time you meet 'someone'. Its a lot more and man even knowing those 'lot more' is konjam pain stacking! But if you want something real bad then u better bite through it all..

People stay miles apart and have a perfectly happy relationship. Personally, i know relationships that have lasted for an average of 6 1/2 years and hats off to them! For me , the concept is like impossible to nail...

But well slowly , my ideals about love are changing. I have been called names and been considered immature and someone who flips love to my convenience in the past and well maybe the 'approach' was wrong.. but then life teaches you lessons and then u add them to your mental notes and then u carry on. If you can apply these notes to life and then make a better day out of it, great! nothing like it. But if you cant then dont fret , every third person is so :)

I dunno why this random rant is here, but love isnt just about age, compatibilites and matches. It is about a lot more things that are way deeper and way to complex to explain but simple to feel... Love is about a lot more things that have nothing to do with meeting, greeting and holding hands... love, doesnt even require an another :) but if u DO get an another , then well , what more shall the human heart ask for, for the world is his and the sky is at his feet!

To the most magical thing ever - Love - of all sorts ;)

Signing Off
Me

2008-05-25T12:12:00.003+05:30

"Oh! So YOU like cooking?"
I find myself at the receiving end of this question most of the times. To me it is a surprise as to how it is a surprise to people around me that i cook. Well , yes i cook and do a pretty decent job at that. Uh.. where did this come from? It came from being a foodie :) I loved watching Sanjeev Kapoor on Zee Tv and watching him concoct those yummy dishes as though they were a painting :) and then somewhere from there i started cooking.. and it grew and grew and grew and then here i am cooking proper food ... Well to me it is an achievement cos people dont associate a ' she can cook' tag to my personality and i guess that's where the fun is..

Well I am still not at the stage where you'd eat my food and say ' ma / daadi ke haath ka khana' but i know i am close and soon i shall be there! :)

My next target? baking :P

Somebody tell me what i am

Signing Off
Me

Truth - how much of it can you take?

2008-05-25T00:24:00.002+05:30

The truth about truth is the fact that you cant take it all the time. its not like taking a joke. it's worse cos it hits you harder and slower, whereas a joke hits u right away and then walks on. Well what about truth am i going to say? or actually write?

A part of it which refuses to leave us. Let me ( as usual) explain :) Truth has been categorized into as many forms as our existing problems. Frank truths(?), simple ones, practical ones (!!) etc... The fact is that usually we accept things on a general scale. We know the difference when someone says they were busy cos they had people over and hence didnt reply and when someone says they didnt get your msg. sounds confusing?

Well the thing is we cant just take something as the said truth and walk on. Truth is bitter and in revenge we try to fight it out to have given us bitterness. But how? well, we dont accept some of these bitter truths. We tell it "ok!! so u hit me hard. Fine..." but somewhere in the back of our head we save it for later, and then after a while , when we are dusting the back of our heads for more space we find this hidden little thing, and then we sit and pull it out ( remember finding your slambook and halting all work?) and sit and start chewing upon it. We wonder :
(a) why we accepted it as the truth long back.
(b) if it were the case then why did things indicate it otherwise?
(c) so thats it? we just accept it and walk on?

Nope we dont! We just carry it out or to the front of our heads and show it out and say "see , this is more than just the truth!!" hmmm...

All i know is that this isnt truth and that just cos i am silent doesnt mean i have accepted it. Yes a part i have, but for the rest i need answers and i will ask till i get them!

cos we know this aint the entire bloddy truth!

Signing Off
Me

The tale between this and that

2008-05-08T23:07:00.003+05:30

Sometimes, no actually, most of the times life is a journey for which no one has the route map. Taking a trip around is like walking with your eyes shut. But nevertheless, the journey is fun.

Read on now about one such journey, of a girl who not only has her eyes shut but also well.. just read on.

People are made a certain way and nothing, and believe me nothing at all, in this world can change this. No matter what step you take to avoid a mistake, in the end one tiny step spoils it all. Its like making a yummy cake but spraying the icing all over! hmmm , my life is such.. and journeys i have taken are far more funnier. Some day i plan to write a book. Like seriously... maybe I'd call it ' Comedy of errors- Sorry Shakespeare'. Cos it is funny as to what all can happen in my life.. or maybe thats just the way i look at it... maybe everyone else's life is a mess but i am not the one to step into everyone's shoes and go 'aah well , my life is better than that'. I am human and i choose to be a doofus at times!

Largely life has not had too many slips and falls but well the last one month is like the account settlement for all the 20 years of it. or maybe just this years' in a holiday package. My idea of taking a holiday this year after about 2 years was to literally take a break- from ppl i knew, from the monochrome life i lived, from the guy i liked, from my past and just from myself. But those ten days were anything but that... well yes, i had shit loads of fun, but what kind of day is it where u still feel a hole in your system.

From my so called break i did realize a few things , but like they say realization isnt getting things right.. its just knowing that THIS is what is wrong in your system. hmmm and such is life, realizing and then adding onto the pile.. once or twice digging an old realization out and dusting it to work on it. hmm... but i am not complaining cos i dare not! i took these steps myself and i am here today thanks to my own doing.

* I dunno why i blindly like.. what is the bloody point anyway? and after how many setbacks will i ever get the idea that it isnt happening. To like at all.. every time i walk ten miles away from liking people, someone draws me back by 20 miles and then it hurts. A lot.

* I am growing to be a highly individualistic human. And i am not sure i am saying this on completely proud terms. I am growing to be a loner. My thoughts, My ideals, my wants, my everythings seem so wierd and random to ppl ( read even my own family) that simple things get complex in the process.

* I am becoming a very very distracted person. I am sure i am losing the thread of my integrated self thanks to the phase that i am going through. I believe, it takes a lot to go uphill!

* I dislike certain feelings. I dislike the fact that i can like / love so much that i becoming sadistic to myself. I am becoming numb.

I just wish i could start all over again... maybe not all of it , but at least from where i left it. The point where all i needed for happiness was a jump and a smile.

Now that i look back, the time that took them away from me is what stands in front of my eyes. Do i accept it? accept what happened and look ahead? or do i sneak a way back into the time where i was me ?

How long will i keep asking questions? is relief, then only momentary? I cant wait for it though for , for a parched throat a few drops of water are more of a welcome than the warm embrace of the sun.

Signing Off
Me

2008-05-06T13:10:00.004+05:30

A mind that wanders in the world of the unknown.... searches for something new, for something that is art , for something that is a treasure to keep.

How do u stop a mind that wanders?
How do u stop a risen step?
How do u ask how where to go when u are looking into a dark tunnel?
How do u know ?

How do u stopper the anger flowing out of u?
How do u hold back those tears?
How do u not vent ?
How do u not ?

How do u skip a beat?
How do u dance in joy?
How do u rejoice life?
How do u show ?

How do u say stop?
How do u know?
how do u not?
How do u show?
How?

Life has a lot of questions like this but there is more to these questions than just simple answers... silence maybe... or maybe something so universal that it is just understood... what is more universal than silence?

In this quest of answering and asking questions the mind wanders on , to greener pastures or to drier deserts.. wherever it is that the mind wanders, one cant restrict it. You cant chain it down to the dusty earth and not let it fly high... Like the wind, breeze, hurricane and air , the mind is formless, transforming and evolving it moves from one place to another... But what when it stops at one point? Has that happened? What if it did?

Ask the mind that wanders, for I am still looking...

Signing Off
Me

( this may have made no sense, but to me it does - wanderer that i am)

The Ill Mannered child of Indian Cricket

2008-05-05T23:56:00.004+05:30

If you knew me and what all i like about cricket then u can take a miss with this post :) or maybe not cos u dunno what ends up in this post :)

I am sure after the reading the title you would have had a fair clue as to what this is gonna be about.. yess :) Shantakumaran Sreesanth. This guy, has been labelled so much that he reminds of me a bag that has globe trotted and has loads of stamps on it :) well anyway... this guy IS the bad boy of Indian cricket and he is a good guru cos i see a lot of youngsters following suit, but with the naive smile of a novice..

What i love about sreesanth is that he IS a problem child! He loves to irk the batsman with all the hoos and haas! and he loves to spread aggression into the game and it spreads like water in milk.. Though it is not in the right spirit of the game to be so aggressive we have other guys who have broken the rules as far as being primitive on the field goes ... so Sree is not new to this, but yes his crying episode was well a bit too much...

largely, he reminded me of myself, cos i randomly break down crying when the situation calls for somethin completely opposite! Anyway... thats him and it seems to work well for him... cos with every match he gets better with the ball and the bails and his aggresso-meter is sky rocketing...

Cricket , is no longer a Gentleman's game :) But dont we love bad boys!

Signing off :)
Me

2008-04-09T00:12:00.004+05:30

I wrote this a long time back and held it back for some reason... but now its out here ... so well..

It was about 3 in the morning and he had just stepped in. His house was the only warm thing after that pressingly long meeting that seemed to have lasted for hours. He flung his bag carelessly and walked up to the fridge and found an almost empty bottle of beer somewhere deep within. the day had been rude to him and now he didn't care much about things around.

He was used to the darkness around the house and so he walked straight to switch on his monitor. he tried to ease his mind out , switching on the player he stripped to each line lost in a world of his own. "I'm feeling so lonely bay-beh" , Elvis was crooning softly in the background. mocking the song, he danced around pointlessly, laughing to himself and then .. 'beep beep'.... He froze on his tracks and cursed under his breath. he didn't want it to be another ' you've got a mail ' crap for AOL or something. It wasn't either.

"shilpa has just logged in" the pop up box read and there was no mistaking that face. he sat , numb yet awake. she was there and just a click away. he didn't know if 3 in the morning was a right time to say a hi after 3 years. twiddling his fingers over the mouse he gathered all his might, swigged his beer and typed H I *enter*. she might not even reply he thought to himself and to strengthen this thought he went ahead to log off when the box popped up again.

'Hey! :)' it read. even after these many days his heart skipped a beat. "her smileys haven't left her still" he smiled to himself. knowing that he was sounding stupid he typed..

"sleeping?"
' No! lol.. hmmm just online'
"aah ok.. hmmm ... "
'So how you?'
"going great.. dead busy working and stuff. you?"
'same here :)'

Nothing about her had changed and he knew that. it was as though time had traveled backwards. he felt the same way as he did the last time they exchanged warm notes. "get a grip on yourself" he told himself but his fingers were already typing with a unmannered excitement.
" so whats up... how is life?"
'life is decent. dont have much time apart from office'
"aaah.. caught up on any books lately?"

he knew he was touching the soft spot there. books had brought them closer and he for one had let his to settle in the dust ever since..

' Hmmm no... u know no time plus.. dunno just didnt..'
"hmm i know .. its not the same anymore "

hitting enter on that one he literally whacked himself. now he knew he was trying to prod things back. and she would just log off.. he hated his levels of self control. but then it was her...

' ya... hmmm lol.. i cant just read them and not talk about them to you know like someone'

"*someone* is that what you call me now?" he smiled to himself.

every sore bit of his body seemed to have vanished and presley seemed to have taken his cue out.... the 3 'o' clock's night seemed to be intoxicating his brain ...

a few hmmm!'s and so what else!'s later he knew they were hovering around the same point zero again."should i log off?" even though his brain ran that command a million times between 3 to 7 in the morning he just didnt.

Finally ...
'ok i guess i will go now.. didnt check on the time..lol'

"do you have to" was what he would have typed.. but he stuck to his senses

"alright.. it was nice catching up after so long... :)"
' the smiley doesnt suit you, you know :)'
"it never did... hmmm"

bidding a dragging good bye to the conversation they both left their desks... having traveled back through all those fights, dinners, tears, mails, msgs, chats, bike rides, kisses, angers... they were still on the same boat.. halfway through no where....

just out of curiosity ... is it better to talk to someone you have broken up with as 'good friends'? how many of those lols are out of pain and not real smiles? how many of those hmmms were meant to be ' miss you's or 'why us's ..

Signing off
Me

2008-04-09T00:12:00.003+05:30

I wrote this a long time back and held it back for some reason... but now its out here ... so well.. read on... and no its not about me ...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was about 3 in the morning and he had just stepped in. His house was the only warm thing after that pressingly long meeting that seemed to have lasted for hours. He flung his bag carelessly and walked up to the fridge and found an almost empty bottle of beer somewhere deep within. the day had been rude to him and now he didn't care much about things around.

He was used to the darkness around the house and so he walked straight to switch on his monitor. he tried to ease his mind out , switching on the player he stripped to each line lost in a world of his own. "I'm feeling so lonely bay-beh" , Elvis was crooning softly in the background. mocking the song, he danced around pointlessly, laughing to himself and then .. 'beep beep'.... He froze on his tracks and cursed under his breath. he didn't want it to be another ' you've got a mail ' crap for AOL or something. It wasn't either.

"shilpa has just logged in" the pop up box read and there was no mistaking that face. he sat , numb yet awake. she was there and just a click away. he didn't know if 3 in the morning was a right time to say a hi after 3 years. twiddling his fingers over the mouse he gathered all his might, swigged his beer and typed H I *enter*. she might not even reply he thought to himself and to strengthen this thought he went ahead to log off when the box popped up again.

'Hey! :)' it read. even after these many days his heart skipped a beat. "her smileys haven't left her still" he smiled to himself. knowing that he was sounding stupid he typed..

"sleeping?"
' No! lol.. hmmm just online'
"aah ok.. hmmm ... "
'So how you?'
"going great.. dead busy working and stuff. you?"
'same here :)'

Nothing about her had changed and he knew that. it was as though time had traveled backwards. he felt the same way as he did the last time they exchanged warm notes. "get a grip on yourself" he told himself but his fingers were already typing with a unmannered excitement.
" so whats up... how is life?"
'life is decent. dont have much time apart from office'
"aaah.. caught up on any books lately?"

he knew he was touching the soft spot there. books had brought them closer and he for one had let his to settle in the dust ever since..

' Hmmm no... u know no time plus.. dunno just didnt..'
"hmm i know .. its not the same anymore "

hitting enter on that one he literally whacked himself. now he knew he was trying to prod things back. and she would just log off.. he hated his levels of self control. but then it was her...

' ya... hmmm lol.. i cant just read them and not talk about them to you know like someone'

"*someone* is that what you call me now?" he smiled to himself.

every sore bit of his body seemed to have vanished and presley seemed to have taken his cue out.... the 3 'o' clock's night seemed to be intoxicating his brain ...

a few hmmm!'s and so what else!'s later he knew they were hovering around the same point zero again."should i log off?" even though his brain ran that command a million times between 3 to 7 in the morning he just didnt.

Finally ...
'ok i guess i will go now.. didnt check on the time..lol'

"do you have to" was what he would have typed.. but he stuck to his senses

"alright.. it was nice catching up after so long... :)"
' the smiley doesnt suit you, you know :)'
"it never did... hmmm"

bidding a dragging good bye to the conversation they both left their desks... having traveled back through all those fights, dinners, tears, mails, msgs, chats, bike rides, kisses, angers... they were still on the same boat.. halfway through no where....

just out of curiosity ... is it better to talk to someone you have broken up with as 'good friends'? how many of those lols are out of pain and not real smiles? how many of those hmmms were meant to be ' miss you's or 'why us's ..

Signing off
Me

Then and How :D

2008-03-22T21:21:00.001+05:30

facts! or was that farts :P

2008-03-22T18:10:00.004+05:30

hello :) no it wasnt farts!! it was just a rhyming thing to say!! anyway, i was just looking back at my posts and i realize that there is a lot of dark and blah stuff about me not doing this or that, or someone who has hurt me and stuff... so i thought well time to press f5.. lol... well this month has been good... for one that i made new friends and i am liking the fact that the most silliest of things can get ppl together... the office trip was awesome fun and i love the baanding that has happened.... ooh also the fact that the new tt table at office i a superb ice breaker!! i got so hooked on to it that i remember stayin in the tt room from the minute i signed the register right uptill my show... then there were all the awesomely funny games we built on the tt table ( lol dont think dirty!!!) :) and then there is just the BRILLLIANTEST fact that i am going on a vacation finally !!! I am going to Dhramshala and some place close to tibet :) and i am soooo kicked :D and to add to this is the modest fact that i have performed more than just decently well in my appraisals and got a one and half 'thumbs- up' from my heads!! makes a differnce! and then there is also the fact that i am going to get a tattoo done and that it took very little convincing :) lol there is the fact that i have been thinking so much that ouch my head hurts and i notice that i am missing out on good fun!so i am going to unwind this time and as this month ends i will let all those frowns and thinking caps vanish and somehow learn to have fun ... shit loads more times than i am right now :)

So here is to a new start ( and to a keyboard that doesnt work all that well, but helped me finish this post)

Signing off

P.S: There is also the fact that Bryan Adams' 11 is out!! ha ha ha!!

Oh Billy....

2008-03-16T23:01:00.001+05:30

Wonderful song this one is... i just connected my current feelings with this song... By James Blunt... hmmm...

Billy's leaving today (don't know where he's going).
Holds his head in disgrace (he can't escape the truth).
He knows the price that he's paid.
He admits that it's too late to admit that he's afraid.
Tomorrow comes. Sorrow becomes his soul mate.
The damage is done. The prodigal son is too late.
Old doors are closed but he's always open,
To relive time in his mind.
Oh Billy.

Billy's leaving today (don't know where he's going).
He's got lines on his face (they tell the story of his pain).
He accepts it's his fate.
He admits it took too long to admit that he was wrong.
Tomorrow comes. Sorrow becomes his soul mate.
The damage is done. The prodigal son is too late.
Old doors are closed but he's always open,
To relive time in his mind.
Oh Billy.

Once he was a lover sleeping with another.
Now he's just known as a cheat.
And he wish he'd had a mirror; looked a little clearer.
Seen into the eyes of the weak.
Tomorrow comes. Sorrow becomes his soul mate.
The damage is done. The prodigal son is too late.
Old doors are closed but he's always open,
To relive time in his mind.
Oh Billy.

Signing Off
Me

In response :)

2008-03-01T23:20:00.002+05:30

This deserves a blog post :D 'someone' who read my recentest post has managed to do this :) and make me grin ear to ear :)

awww muaahh caramel :P

I was just sitting at my window, swirling a cup of coffee, doodling on a page, wondering what to pen..thoughts of you came to mind. And thoughts turned into words...

- you are NOT fat, far from it from what I can see

- we all get tired of things, the key is to not let it get to you

- I completely agree with the cosmic connect

- I'm still trying to figure out what a "neck phone" is…hmm I wonder..

- I like your streaks too…grrrr…

- Vidya is getting a box of underwear for her birthday?...okkayy thenn..Happy birthday

Vidya…Enjoy…

- Yes I like the "froggie" and "caramel"…its very cute..

- Not all men are stuck up….just like not all women are stuck up.

- Some women ARE stuck up….

- I wanna see what you shoot

- STICK TO FLIRTING STICK TO FLIRTING…you don't know how good you are at it..

- Don't stick to flirting for too long…well actually don't forgo love completely…it has a

funny way of rearing its sneaky lil head…

- A butterfly is just another "lil insect" in the Grand Scheme of things…

- You are at the center of your grand scheme of things…

- You are NOT ugly…who has called you ugly?? I WANT NAMEESS!!!

- Have you gone to sleep yet?

- I hope not
- Frowing doesnt suit you, that smile of yours definitely DOES

needs no signing off :)

Header, Footer and all the rest of it

2008-02-29T23:45:00.002+05:30

Here's a long list of random rants ... lol

I am fat
and no i am not kidding
I am tired of lots of things
and that includes even messaging
The office trip was fun
Aj and i have a cosmic connect :) like he puts it
So do fab and I
Its funny how strangers become friends...
I am falling
in love with books all over again
and out of love in general
apparently its easy to 'have to do' something
I miss the quarters
and i speak a lot about them at office
Office is fun these days
I love the new friends i have made
I love my new 'neck phones'
There is no greater fun than walking on the rink of the bon fire :)
and i thank Prakash Raj sir to have helped me do just that
I am not falling ill at 8 degrees anymore
and thus my excuse to drink goes into the fire :P
but i love arjun for having made me drink :)
I love my streaks
and so do the others
some men are stuck up!
and no thats not Ji
I am tired of new phones cos they dont make them the old way anymore :P
i can still shoot without a shake!
cooking maggi for three and having 8 attack it is good fun
'good fun' is good fun :)
I am gonna start exercising from tomoro morning :)
and please pray for me while i do so :)
my new nick names are 'froggie' and 'caramel' ahem!!
Vidya is gonna get a box of underwears for her birthday
I love my show
dirty talks are fun!
I miss akx and all
I wanna shoot more movies
Never make friends after school
lol what the F@$k was that?
But yes i am learning to draw the line
and with the butterfly effect i am done drawing an entire chakravyuh!
I am gonna stay single
much as that is the irony of life
cos when i was meant to be single i was committed and happy
and now when i am to be committed i am stuck being single :P
and no i am not desperate or under pper pressure
I am gonna stick to flirting
otha fuck off if u cant deal with it! :D
i perpetually need new clothes :)
Iam TIRED and wanna just run away and hide
bonding happens in the wierdest ways
and guys are just the same!
i need a passport
songs are heavenly
i love writing
and i love dark writing
i am yugly!
i hate my life :( and
i hate a certain human for showing all the colourful things and then going away with the stains on them
the pain is so bad that i am laughing at it now...
carrom is fun :)
i love shiva
she makes a lot of sense
and vidya ka is so akka types that i dont miss appuka at times
i need a laptop
and now i need to stop :)

Signing off
Me

pages into the past..

2008-02-19T22:14:00.004+05:30

'How I wish, how I wish you were here..
we just two lost souls
swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year...'

This song by Pink Floyd, explains how exactly i feel right now.

What could give me solace is what is making me face my fears.
It is the same old thing of a tiny bit of insecurity or an ocean full of love,that makes you to 'want' someone.

In an undefinable, unnamed relationship you are caught inexplicably so.Emotions of one singe a dark hole onto the beauty of the other,
and together they dance vitally in your heart still.

This is a song , song of a craving heart.
A heart that calls out for a sense of companionship
and warmth, in no sense physical.

This song brings in me an emotion like the one between
a broken leaf and a stranded ant in the steady flow of water...

thaneeril midakum erumbuku ilai padagu aanadhe...

am i thus wrong in feeling this way? or is it just the craving that makes me feel justified? Either way, it is another page turned into the past...

Signing off
Me

quote unquote 3

2008-02-05T09:26:00.001+05:30

Shantaram is taking its toll on me.This book is like a Holy one to me.. I am ear marking more and more pages because they all are lessons we ( or I) have wanted to or learnt in life.

This is my latest addition.. read on...

"....ashamed of the cold selfishness that had stolen my pity and pierced by the courage and loneliness of the little boy, i listened to his sleeping breath, and let him cling to the ache in my heart. Sometimes we love with nothing more than hope. Sometimes we cry with everything except tears.In the end that's all there is : love and its duty, sorrow and its truth. In the end that's all we have- to hold on tight until the dawn. "

Reading these lines in the middle of the night on my bed, i burst into tears. Half because of the warmth in the story and half because i realized thats all I too had, to hold on to or maybe even lesser.. I haven't cried like that in months and as I looked my crying self in the mirror I realized I didn't even want to see that face.It was one of those nights when everything had collapsed around me and nothing could give me composure...

hmmm... an incomplete post...

Signing off
Me

quote unquote 2

2008-02-03T10:48:00.001+05:30

I am in love with shantaram.. funnily so ,the number of pages that i have ear-marked in this book are so many, plainly because there are so many lines i stop at and run my fingers through and think to myself - 'isnt that how i felt'...

I posted quote unquote with not much thought, just with my love for the depth in it words..

but now, read this one... it is what i am now.. in feelings and in wake...hmmm

[Karla and Lin stood looking down from the 35th floor of a building, the municipal workers destroy the slums of many.. Lin kisses Karla and expresses his love for her ...] and then...

Karla : " look i dont want to be in love. i dont want anyone to be in love with me. It hasnt been good to me. this romance thing"

Lin: " I dont think it's kind to anyone,Karla"

K: "My point , exactly"

L:" but when it happens, you haven't got a choice. I dont think it is something any of us do by choice. And... I dont want to put any pressure on you.I am just in love with you, thats all. I've been in love with you for a while , and finally i had to say it. It doesnt mean you have to do anything about it - or me either, for that matter. "

K: "I am still.. i dont know.I am just... Jesus! But i am happy to like you. I like you a lot. i'll be head over heels in like with you, lin, if thats enough. "

"is that enough?"

L:"Sure ( he lied) sure"

But already like the people in the ghetto, hundreds of feet below, I was picking through the smashed houses in my heart, and rebuilding on the ruin.

From Shantaram

hmmm beautifully depicted a lost battle of love.. or something like that...

Signing off

random realisations 5

2008-01-31T21:24:00.001+05:30

Ever been disliked by people for being frank? well i dunno if i am frank but when angered i can hardly hold back my tongue . I don't usually lose my cool anywhere. so u dont have me yelling, shouting or fighting as often. But today i reaaalllllyy lost my cool over something that can be categorized 'trivial' and i shouted at my closest friend at office. Hmmm.. i must not have lashed back so loudly but i did and his face went for a toss and i knew i had hurt him... well before i could say sorry it was too late...

hmm long back i told naveen, i havent learnt the art of talking ( read:communicating) properly and so everyone takes me the wrong way... be it my friend who is now upset or the guy who fails to see that i can understand when he says 'lets just be friends' ..

I cant explain too much but i am going to reform myself.. and to start off i am gonna shut up. i really am... why am i blogging about it? cos you can see if i do get reformed! cos if i do u can pat my back for having become a better human and if i dont then u can laugh at me... and i wont let the latter happen :) so ... hmmm ...

so here goes nothing.... lets see how much of a better person i become by shutting up !!

Signing off ( with some hope :P)
Me

Love, toys and me

2008-01-31T21:14:00.001+05:30

Well as the title reads, yes this post is about myself, love and how i compare it to toys. Might be 'cracked up' or a stupid thing (what i am going to write) but well you are welcome to leave anytime!

I wish i was a toy.. like a decent rag doll. i will tell you why. A doll goes to only one person. ONE kid. one owner and the doll remains that owner's until it dies out or breaks. I wish love in my life was like that. Now i will explain why...

As humans we all like someone , but one in hundred chances are that , that person likes you back the same way and so there is a lot of pain, heartbreak and rubbish. Now if i were a doll then i needn't have feelings at all, I'd just be a dead and sweet looking thing which some kid would pick up. and since that kid has picked me up, it'd be because the kid likes me for some reason and will take care of me ... ya when i age , i will be behind his newer toys but I'd still be his.. you get the picture?.

As a bloody human i can unfortunately feel. and thus like someone and thus hurt someone and be hurt as well. I just want to save myself all the pain.. cos i have had enough of it.

God, i wish i could become a toy ...

Signing off
Me

Random realisations 4

2008-01-24T20:20:00.000+05:30

hmmm .. my eyes are burning right now.. i just finished my show and am waiting to leave for one office dinner thing. so since i had the time and stuff i logged onto orkut and was replying to my scraps and then i saw one of my friends online and then from that friend's link i just kept hopping to others' links and kept going on.. at some point i hit on links of people who have gone away from my life.. there are few scrap books where i ponder over for a minute to say a hi or just a sorry but i dont cos i know they dont want me in their lives anymore..

to you guys-

i am sorry i hurt you at some point in time... i didnt mean to ... its just that i acted on impulse and now that i am much slow a person( in acting) i feel sorry.. i know most of u hate me for what i did or maybe even are calling me names.. i am sorry... i really am... i just wish i could turn back time and set it all right... cos u did matter a lot in my life and most of you still do...

Signing off

Voi-loo Graffitti!

2008-01-24T09:12:00.000+05:30

This, my dear friends , is a sign that is put up on my office's restroom door ! oh,don't gasp because I'm showing you a sneak-peek into my office's rest room!

Anyway... last evening , halfway through my show , i visited the loo and i was going about my business and blah... with no particular attention to the details of the surrounding (nothing spectacular there) i was about to leave when i saw this baby hanging from the door, or stuck on it rather! At that moment , i had a pen in my pocket and something urged me to write a note on this white beauty! But then, i chose not to cos ... well i dunno.. i just left to finish my show! ( which makes sense :P) ...

But surely, someday in the near future i WILL write a note for my fellow... uh 'loo-ers' :P! Imagine , the effect of a note! you are finishing your business and there's a warm hand written note on the door, staring at you ( uh uh i didnt mean it the OTHER way :P) .. hmmm fun !!

So if you were to have the chance to visit my office and also visit its loo ( i can ensure that with many cups of tea :P) , what would you write on the note at the door? :P seriously, tell me!!

lets me see .. how about 'Ola!! Nice try!! better luck next time!! ;)'

Signing off
Me

The Lucky charm

2008-01-23T17:48:00.000+05:30

"dekha hai aise hi, kisi ko aise hi
apne hi dil mein basaye kuch irade hain
dil ke kisi kone bhi kuchh aise hi baaten hain
inko liye jab hum chale nazare bhi humse mile.
o.. dekha hai aise hi, kisi ko aise bhi
haste hasate sab ko manaake hum jaayenge
barson ki doori ko hum sab saath mitayenge
pyaar rahe unke rahe jo dhoonde woh unko mile o... "

If you have just hummed these lines then this post will be of your liking ...

Born as Maqsood Mehmood Ali, lucky ali is what i call India ka Bryan Adams. or at least he is so to me.

He is the son ( eighth one) of the famous indian comedian Mehmood ( recall : padosan - yek chatur naar!) . Married twice, living currently in Auckland, and having wandered from carpet washing to breeding horses to singing to acting , he is the mystery man of Indi-pop.

Starting his career at an age of 13 ( when he first started to strum the Guitar) he has come a Long way and has many songs to his credit. His song 'Oh Sanam' stayed on top of the Indipop charts for 60 whole weeks.

blaaah blaah bllaaaaah! Nope, i am not trying to educate you about lucky ali or anything but just that i wanted you to know that THIS is just some stuff about a superb singer..

Now coming to the point. Last saturday, at around 3 in the afternoon i had this sudden urge to check out Saarang's official website to see who was performing this year .. and a few clicks later had me screaming up and down with joy on the table and kissing the monitor.(my friend thought it was for some wierd reason) lol.. hmmm... so LUCKY ALI was coming to town and believe me thats like enough a reason for me to bring the world upside down :) same was the reaction when Bryan Adams came to Banglore two years back ( feb 6th )!!

Why Lucky ali and why Bryan adams you may ask! to you they might seem like raspy guys trying to talk sappy stuff which is not so practical or what ever blah! But for me and a few others that i know.. oh what the hell! for Nitin and Me, these two guys are like hmm i dunno , something like friend-cum- preachers types... its like I grew up on lucky ali and Bryan adams' words and songs..

To me, it is like this . Each song of Lucky's speaks a million words. it comforts me and cajoles me and makes me smile at life. Each song! if one song tells u about life and constantly having to move on (kitni hasi hai yeh zindagi) then there is the other which is about how u make others smile and just be a jester to everyone (nahi rakhtha dil mein kuch) .. this just goes on...

Lucky ali is a reminder of those years of my life where it was all simple and young and naive. He is a reminder of days, of skinned knees and hearts. A reminder of my 14th birthday when i got asked out. A reminder of times that hurt and lesson that he taught. A reminder of a purer,whiter life looooong back :)

Lucky to me is

A travller

A wanderer

A preacher

A friend far apart

A misunderstood romantic

A mirror

A lover

An explorer

A vast ocean of stories

A dreamer

A charmer

A guy misunderstood

A guy gone wrong

A God

A person who reminds me of me !

hmmmm...

He is coming in two more days... 26th january'08 IIT Saarang!! thank you IIT!!!

Signing off

random realisations 3

2008-01-17T14:09:00.000+05:30

how easy is it forget something? or someone? how many times have you forgotten to wish your best friend on her anniversary? or how many times have you left the door unlatched on your way to work? well, this is 'you'... it is easy to throw back a reply cos you know its you.. like you know yourself.. for example - i know i dont easily forget the smallest details , such as car numbers, birthdays, blah blah... i wish people and stuff... yeah maybe i forget stuff about home and all that but that i know i can work on..

Now let us flip to the other side of the coin. how does it feel to be forgotten? have you ever been forgotten? not missed , but forgotten!how does it feel to be the heart of the moment 'once upon a time' and now to be forgotten along with the tapestry and curtains? how bad does it feel to be not asked about something? how does it feel when plans are made in front of u and u are just a listener to these plans?

My heart aches, because i was once the life here.. in this crowd...i was their favourite kid. If i ever said an 'oh no i cant make it' it wouldnt be taken for an answer. i would be cajoled to come... i would be asked for suggestions... now it has all turned the other way around... today a msg would ask the question and a no from me would yield a reply as big as 'k'... hmmm it stings... i hate to be forgotten during lunch times, because when i walk in lunch is already about to finish and they brush away allegations with a simple ' dont complain... i will bash your face... you were not around'.... i feel like laughing actually... hmmm

Maybe at some point in life i forgot many people and thats just coming back to me.... yeah i did... i forgot sheetu for a jolly long year when i wanted to sort my mess.... i had to be reminded that she existed... but ever since i have never let her feel forgotten or even second in life... i told smruthi that i had forgotten her in my rush after college and i have been making up for it... deepak is still to be told and so is sara...

The truth is i havent forgotten ANY of u... i remember u in every waking situation.... i cry at times thinking of better times which i havent forgotten... I remember my quarters, driving around with akx and endless fun moments with them..the 'ei's and the 'ya's... i remember BSA, i remember Annie mam, i remember MAPSA... i remember buying chocolates for dee every morning on my way to school.... I am putting it all here now cos i know someday you will all read it and that day maybe you will remember me....

I am waiting for some love.... for the circle of life to turn towards me... hmmm

Signing off
Me

aazadi ki aur bade hum, school chale hum :)

2008-01-15T23:01:00.000+05:30

"..aazadi ki aur bade hum, school chale hum!!"

These lines are of some song for school shoes or something... why this comes here is because, thinking back in time school is definitely the best period of our lives. No matter what, school doesn't change.. you can still pull out your slam books ( mine's with BSB on it and no i am not ashamed) and get all nostalgic about everything about being in school.. i am gonna try to list out everything ( A-Z) about my school :) whatever comes to your head, comment too :)!! wheeeeee!!

Oh btw school to me is only and only Shrine , Alpha is like 2 years of infiltration camp for me :P anyway.. here it goes ....

Dance practices. cutting classes. PT class. Basketball. Tamil class. Running around the corridor. A jokes. Serious lunch time conversations. library time. Biology class. Vice Principal ma'am. Geared cycles. Culturals. Lunch.Canteen.Prayer meetings. Morning speeches. dirty shoes. houses. Exam time. Supervision time. Records. Class leader. Chalk. Girls toilet. Boys toilet :P. cute guys. 'endrendrum punnagai' :). kala utsav. tape recorder. taal. valinakanni hall. report card. History sir. crushes. fights. pain. tears. groups. anger. valentine's day. hugging your friend after THE worst fight. knowing that they are there for you. kneeling down. suspension. ragging. hostel. stolen smiles. unfinished conversations. flutters. MAPSA- my gang forever :) . viva exams. exam holidays. qwikys. summer. my house. fanta. 23rd may. new books. covers. labels. new bag. ranks. class shuffling. board exams....

school life was much simpler. there was no stress. today i realized that cos after maybe years i sat in front my tv,spread eagled, with food and the remote and saw an entire movie plus all the ad breaks :)
It was like getting back home at 4:30 and watching dexter and then running for tuition classes at 5:30.

Nothing, i know. can take away from me my school. my vailankanni years. and as long as that is there anjana will never fade away :) i love life when i think of school :)

A HUUUUUUUGGGGGGEEEEE bear hug to every soul connected to those wonder years :)

Signing off
Me

Random Realisations 2

2008-01-12T21:18:00.000+05:30

Life is full of choices. No matter how much we blame other factors or people finally it boils down to us choosing one way out of the many that lay before us. I for one do not regret any of the choices I have made so far because I know they are solely my responsibilities.

Usually from the kind of choices we make we are able to come a conclusion of sorts about

our capabilities to decide the correct things
our capabilities to do so sensibly and fairly
what are the things we ought not to repeat in our future choices

And things like that. But largely we don’t! At least I don’t. I know I am trying to be sensible with most of my choices but then I can’t be all mature always. I really can’t. Because I am all of 20 and I don’t want to become a 28 year old with full perfect understanding of life and people. I want to have my say.

I have chosen to be a certain way and it works for me … mostly yes it does!

I am erratic like a random spark or a floating cloud. . I am happy largely because I can derive so much energy out of this. But what people around me forget is that I don’t exactly get worked up or burst out unless I REALLY cant take the weight of the issue I give up and there is the end of the random spark.. I cry for very very inane things. Ask anyone at office who has seen me cry. It has been for few trivial reasons. That when I burst out…

But when I sob, yeah yeah there are ‘types of crying’ too ….ya so when I sob, I am really hurt. I won’t cry out but you’ll know when you look at me that the dam there is waiting to break out. Hmmm which I guess is ok. Or I don’t know and don’t care.

There are so many things that I need to change about the way I treat myself... I let myself to be eaten up and then I sit and cry about it. Or worse is when I give a lot of myself and the sudden withdrawal or retaliation hurts. Somewhere I am human too.

Signing off

P.S: It is a rant and i dunno how it found its way here.. hmmm

quote -un- quote

2008-01-10T07:31:00.000+05:30

Usually i don't quote people or writers but i read this piiece last night and i was astounded! like literally.. i saw something very poetic and strong in the following lines... do read and yes as usual comment...

" she is crazy and unreliable....."she was a with a bad guy, a junkie like her, who ut her to work at a very tough place. A horrible place. She loved the guy.She did it for him. she would've done anything for him. "

Now comes the part i was talking about .. read on

" ...done anything for him. Some women are like that. Some loves are like that. MOST loves are like that, from what i can see. your heart starts to feel like an over-crowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and your independence. After a while you start throwing people out- your friends, everyone you used to know. And its still not enough. The lifeboat is sinking, and you know its going to take you down with it. I've seen taht happen to a lot of girls here. I think that's why i am sick of love."

- Karla,
( from Shantaram)

P.S: I agree with her... hmmm..

Signing off
Me

The Traveller

2008-01-07T17:22:00.000+05:30

As the sun set upon his bedside that evening,
the traveller knew that he had covered another milestone...
for him each sun set and sun rise brought a new lease of life and a newer page to turn and read on.

For years his journey had been on.. his short destinations seemed alike,
but only he knew the sea of difference from one to another.

Today he had explored an unknown territory..
he had never expected to find himself there.
In all his travels, he had known where he was headed...
but this one time he thought that his feet should be given some credit,
for all those years of travel..

The night before his new journey he went to bed unsure yet excited...
A new journey awaited him...
a land where he had never set foot...
He had abondoned his compass, because today..
his feet would do the job...

Bathed in the blue light of that inky night ,
he put his feet to rest...
As the suns rays gentled teased him out of his slumber...
he readied himself for the first day of hs life...

Hoisting his bag firmly on his back,
he stood outside his shack...
the air new and hs breathe newer, he smiled an innocent smile..

closing his eyes for an instant ,
he waited for his feet to rise up...
and after what seemed like ages, he set foot to his left...

his journey took him to new places,
where the stones, pebbles and sand was new...
the water glistened like flowing silver strands...
he thought this was it!!

He stood there relinquishing each gulp of water...
freshness danced through his veins..
he sat hmself under the shade of the big tree by the waters
closing his .. allowing his mind to walk back through all those roads,
he had walked, rested and fallen upon...

his mind floated like the leaf in the wind,
dancing merrily in the winds of the past...
enjoying every second of it ...
he reached out to grasp the lost time in his hands..
only to wake up to the fact that he ...
was only dreaming!

An ode to the traveller within each of us.

Signing off
Me

The Hand at The Door

2007-11-18T17:44:00.000+05:30

There was the door, a few feet away...

and there she lay, in the creepy corner of that dark room...

Four walls that she lay in... dark creepy and cold..

each one of them closing in on her...

As though they were reaching out for her tender throat...

as she drew each breathe in she could feel them...

slowly tightening their grip on that slender throat...

fighting for that vein that danced around madly in her throat...

As the vein danced, the grip became tighter...

in the haze of the pain she found energy that pushed her to the Door...

She crawled faster and faster in that new found power...

a few feet away lay the end - the Door or death...

She knew the choice she had to make...

It was now or never...

With every step forward she knew she was slipping away...

And just then... she saw it...

The hand, in the warm glow of the door ajar...

there it was .. her elixer...

or so she thought...

her ray of light, her beacon of hope...

As she crawled and tumbled towards the door...

she felt the grips loosen around her neck...

it was as though every step closer gave her a new lease of life...

There it was, a second away ...

In that second she saw flashes of her childhood

dance in front of her eyes...

lush green fields, as she ran through them in flowing white...

danced in the afternoon breeze...

and then...

she felt different...

as though she was being sucked onto the grim walls of the room...

her lung dry and devoid of air...

her eyes , where happiness just danced, bathed in fear...

and then...

The Hand... where it belonged ...

around her delicate throat , snatching that final straw of life...

sucking life, love and hope out of every aorta of her tender being...

The Hand at the Door...

This is not a poem... dont consider it one.. read , close your eyes and imagine..

Signing off

hello check hello...

2007-11-15T13:01:00.001+05:30

"know what... I like you"

"hmmm.. but why?"

"hmmm.. well , plainly because you listen to me"

Isn't that what is meant to be done?- listen to someone when they talk? Isnt that why we have the so called 'best' tags attached to a few friends? Because they listen to when we need it the most.. it? silence to rant off our woes and then a huge hug? Isnt that why they have the saying ' marry someone you love talking to, because when you grow old you'll need that the most' ... hmmm , somehow this is the most difficult thing that one sees as a 'deliverable!'... Let me explain..

See ever since childhood i have thought that you know ur best friend is truly one when , you are bursting with rantings and all you want is someone who'd hear you out.. someone who'd listen to every word of what you say and then hug you at the end of it and say ' dont worry you will fing your way'.. that is why Sheetu is my best friend and i am hers... Yes, I am being immodest in saying that i am her best friend because ( GRUMBLERS PLEASE READ CAREFULLY) I may not be there when she is the happiest or or she is on cloud nine, but i know i am there for her when that tear is about to roll down her cheeks.. i have learnt that from her...

Well, coming back to the point... why do fights happen? because we don't listen to the other .. never... no matter how many times we swear by the Heaven up above , we dont listen.... If you do know someone who does listen then please give him/her a hug from me because they are making your day beautiful... you have someone who loves your voice or just you :) ... I guess that is why i am kinda not so lucky cos i dont know someone ( other than sheetu) who just listens... they HAVE to drop their pearls of wisdom right when i am blowing my nose over a worry... hmmm.. happens..

What i am talking about is a very Euthopian world .. i know it is close to impractical but where does the harm lie in trying? Would you rather try listening to losing a loved one?

Signing Off

Me .